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  • (#1) Keep Your Feet Off The Seats

    From Redditor /u/deliasen:

    I was out to a movie with my friends last night. We come and sit down, and I realize pretty soon that this girl in the row behind us has her feet up on my friend David's seat... So David turns around and he says something like, "uh do you think you could put your feet down?" And I think they say something in response but I didn't hear it.

    The feet didn't go down... So I tell David that he should go find an employee and get them to talk to this girl. She is obviously pretty peeved but begrudgingly agrees to put her feet down. After the employee leaves, she puts her feet right back up.

    So I get out of my seat, walk up two rows, sit down in the seat directly behind this girl, and stick my foot on the back of her chair and push it forward. They both turn around and try to say something to me, but I can't really hear them since the movie had started by this point, so I just say "just watch the movie." I kept my feet up there the entire movie.

  • (#2) Have A Good Night

    From Redditor /u/jake_swivel:

    Working at Blockbuster, circa 2003. When checking people out, there were two things you're supposed to do. 1: read the titles of the movies and give the due dates. 2: tell people to have a nice day/night after handing them their movies on the other side of the security gate.

    So a guy comes in with his two kids on a busy Friday night. He has a few children's titles and [an adult] flick. I ring up the videos and tell him the due dates of the kid movies and say "the other one is due _____" trying to save him a little embarrassment. I walk over to the security gate to hand him the videos where I'm planning on telling him to have a good night, but he's still at the register. Confused, I look at him and he says, "Aren't you forgetting something?" I think through the Blockbuster process and can't come up with anything.

    He has an indignant look on his face and says, "You're supposed to tell me to have a good night!"

    I'm pretty stunned that a grown man is so reliant on the well wishes of an eighteen year old, especially since I would've given him what he so desperately needed if he'd walked over to the security gate. So I say, "Sir, I'm so sorry. Have a great night. I hope you enjoy your copy of..." I look down at his VHS tape then look at everyone behind him in line and raise my voice, "MARRIED PEOPLE, SINGLE SEX!"

    He turns bright red, and the lady behind him covers her face. Sorta feel bad for his kids getting caught in the cross fire, but there are always casualties in war.

  • (#3) The Song That Never Ends

    From Redditor /u/SgtSlaughterEX:

    I had two jobs, one was at this country ice house...[in the middle of] nowhere outside of my city. This place was pretty small, but was one of the few bars in a certain area so it would get busy. A lot off good ol' boys and oil field guys. 

    I worked the door, checked IDs and such, and usually broke up fights or kick people out. One night some trouble happens between some regulars and one guy tries to hit another guy with a pool stick. I happened to get hit in the arm but got behind the guy and put him to sleep. Next day the manager calls me to tell me I'm being let go. Apparently pool stick guy spends a lot of money and me putting him to sleep left him bitter so he called the owner. That's fine.

    Anyways the bar has a nice fancy jukebox. If you have the app you can just pick songs on your credit card and they'll play. If you hit play next on a song, even if they turn the jukebox off, it'll play when it starts back up. It's also unskippable. With the master remote you could skip a song but they lost that remote so they really can't do much if someone plays a certain song they don't like, and even if they unplug it, it'll play no matter what when they turn it on.

    Here's my petty revenge:

    The owner does inventory every Tuesday night. It also happens to be a busy night because they do pool tournaments and it usually gets packed. So here I thought, I could probably just play the same song over and over and there's nothing they can really do. I got twenty bucks in credits and that usually gives you about 18 unskippable songs. Plus more depending if the app gifts you credits.

    I picked a remix of Cotton Eye Joe, that comes in at around 7 minutes a pop. Usually when the pool tournament started. Two hours of hearing the same song has killed their business on Tuesdays. Even if they unplug it, it'll still play when they plugged it back up.

    I've been doing it for two months so far, last I heard they had to buy a new jukebox at a cost $5,000. I'll probably stop for a month then start again. 

  • (#4) This Is A Quiet Car

    From Redditor /u/abCEEdeeznuts:

    I take the train to work each morning and then again to get home. I like to sit in the quiet car because it allows me to think and do a little extra work each day. On the train ride home today a woman in front of me kept talking on the phone even after people nicely asked her to be quiet. The conductor also came through and informed her she was on a quiet car.

    The seats we are in have very little support so someone behind you could push your seat and you'd feel it. Several riders decided it wasn't worth it and switched cars. I decided I had enough and slouched far enough so both of my knees were firmly in the back of her seat pushing fairly hard. She cocked her head around and told me to put my knees down. I closed my eyes and fake slept.

    She got up and moved to a different seat. There was a person behind her and guess what he did? Knees to the back of the chair. People started catching on and she chose a seat with no one behind her. Another rider changed seats behind her and she got some more knees.

    The conductor came through again and was unaware of our little revenge. She got up and told him that people were putting knees into her back and stalking her to each spot. The conductor put his index finger to his lips and said "Shhhh, this is a quiet car."

  • (#5) No Parking Means No Parking

    From Redditor /u/ NoSprog4Me:

    I'm moving out of my apartment this week and I rented one of those curbside drop off/pick up moving crates. My city requires that you get a permit for the street ($40) and provides 'no parking' signs so the crate can be loaded and unloaded.

    I hung the no parking signs along my designated space well before the crate arrived. Lo and behold some student with out of state plates parks in my space. I call the cops and they ticket the car. After my crate arrives, the car returns and parks again in the no parking zone. At the same time a landscaping company sets up a no parking zone overlapping my zone. Now there are multiple no parking signs tacked up by the offending car.

    The landscapers are angry, as the car is in their way, so we hatch a plan together. Since we both have permits for no parking zones, we both call the cops separately. The offending car ends up with several more tickets. Additionally, I flag down a meter maid and let them know that the car has been in the spot for more than two hours (limit for non residents). Another $40 ticket. By the end of the day this dumb student had five tickets on his windshield.

    No parking means no parking!

  • (#6) A Revealing Apartment Showing

    From Redditor /u/icarusflewtooclose:

    Basically, I haven't had the greatest landlord and have gotten screwed over a few times by him but never really did anything about it.

    So now I am moving out in the next few months, and he has been showing my place to potential new tenants and the rate of showings is getting rather annoying. So this evening I thought it would be a good time to send a clear message that I have had enough of the showings.

    I was given the standard notice of when they were going to be coming by, but I wasn't going to let that interrupt my "schedule." So when the landlord opened the door to show the prospective tenants in, the first thing they see is me doing the side-plank pose naked as the day I was born. The look of horror on the lady's face when she saw me was priceless. Long story short, to say the only thing that was shown was my naked glory, and a very bewildered landlord. I am still waiting for his response to my interpretation of a "showing."

  • (#7) The Pen Thief

    From Redditor /u/valiantfreak:

    Dad is a principal at a school, and has been for a long time... One day some lady arrives and expresses an interest in enrolling her son. Principal Dad is speaking with her, gets her some forms to fill out, even offers her his special pen. The pen is a nice stainless steel job that was given to every member of the executive staff on the school's 25th anniversary.

    Anyway, lady and her son fill out the paperwork and go on their way, at which point Dad realizes his pen has also left. Clearly the pen wasn't a gift; it was obviously more expensive than a plastic hotel pen.

    Fast forward to the next week when the lady arrives to drop her son off for his first day at the school. Principal Dad waits for Mrs. Pen Thief and gives her the Emergency Contact Form to fill out. Normally this is given to the kid to fill out but Dad was hoping to see the pen again.

    Sure enough, this silly lady forgets where she stole the pen from and out comes the 25th Anniversary Pen to fill out the form... "And now I just need to sign it here," says Principal Dad, patting down his pockets as if looking for a pen. Instinctively Mrs. Pen Thief reaches into her handbag and offers him The Pen. "Thanks." he said as he signs on the bottom of the form... and puts the pen back in his own shirt pocket right in front of her.

    Mrs Pen Thief looks confused, opens her mouth, realizes what has happened, and quickly closes her mouth again. She mumbles a thanks and scurries out the door.

    I believe he still has the pen to this day.

  • (#8) Sometimes, You Should Just Let A Person Fly Their Flag

    From Redditor /u/Viking042900:

    So a while back I was given a UGA Bulldogs flag and a flag pole to mount it on my porch. Our Homeowners association (HOA) restrictions say that sports team flags can only be flown on a day in which the team is playing... So I put the flag up on a Saturday the Dawgs were playing but forgot to take it down until Monday.

    On Friday I get a letter from the HOA stating that I am in violation of the restriction and could be fined. Okay, fair enough, they are correct on this one. I then noticed that the date of observation was on Wednesday. I called and said that couldn't be true because I took it down on Monday. Instead of admitting her mistake, she lied and said that she had seen it up on Wednesday. Now I was mad.

    I printed off a schedule of every sporting event the Bulldogs had in every sport, even club sports and then proceeded to fly the flag every single day there was any kind of game, match, regatta, etc., which was almost every single day.

    I then started getting letters stating I was in violation again. I would call on each one and explain that the water polo team had a match, or the rowing team had a regatta on those days. After about a month or two of this back and forth, they finally gave up.

  • (#9) Be Nice To Your Roommates

    From a former Redditor:

    So I posted on here a little while ago about my roommate using up all my baby wipes and he said to me he would stop. Well the past 2 days he started doing it again along with using my toothpaste and not even....being kind enough to put the cap back on after using it.

    A couple days ago he said he has a girl coming over and would like to get some action and leave him alone. I said OK no worries. So about an hour before she came over I pretended to leave and said I am heading out for the night. 5 minutes later I snuck back in while he was making dinner for the both of them.

    I got to my room and hid in there knowing that for a fact at some point in the night she would ask to use the bathroom, and I needed to take a sh*t. So 45 minutes goes by and she arrived and I am just waiting. About 2 hours after she gets there I hear him go [to the bathroom]. AH perfect! he went first!

    Now time to take a [bowel movement]. I run into the bathroom and [go] as quiet as I possibly can. A huge load. And I don't flush or put the lid down. I go back to my room and wait... There she goes, into the bathroom. She was in there for exactly 6 seconds and came out. 7 minutes later she leaves.

  • (#10) A No-Stubble Zone

    From Redditor /u/remorse667:

    I got turned down, by the manager, at a job interview for team member at Dominos because of my stubble facial hair.

    Weeks later I order from that same Dominos, and that same manager is the one who delivers my order, which is around $25, and I couldn't help but notice he has stubble facial hair. So I gave him no tip, and told him the exact same thing he told me.

    It's not exactly like this, but something similar: "Why do you have all that facial hair? Do you think customers wanna see that? Anyways, I won't be giving you a tip this time. Maybe when I order again, I'll be giving you a tip. But of course, remember to shave."

  • (#11) The Gym Bro Caught In A Lie

    From Redditor /u/mug6688:

    A couple of years ago I was in the gym and I overheard this guy (we'll call him "LT" for Lying Tool) "warning" a girl. He said something to the effect of:

    "Hey, sorry to bother you. But I just overheard that guy in the red shirt (pointing at my friend who was across the gym) saying some extremely crass stuff about you in the locker room. It was really graphic, talking about ripping off your purple spandex.... I couldn't just listen and not tell you because you deserve to know what certain people are really like."

    Listing to this I was furious. This guy had obviously seen my friend and the girl talking in the gym (she approached him) and gotten jealous because he wanted to get with her... So he finished up his tall tale and before the girl could respond I scoffed really loud and said: "She knows you're lying just to try to get in her pants. That guy would never say those kinds of things about her because she's his sister, you moron."

    The look on LT's face was priceless. He went pale and stammered something about how he must have gotten the guy mixed up. But the girl (who had caught on and was playing along) pointed out how he had been very clear about pointing her "brother" out. So LT shifted his story again and said he must have gotten the girl he was talking about mixed up. So I pointed out that she was the only girl wearing purple spandex.

    He actually looked like he was about to cry, and I never saw him in the gym again after that.

  • (#12) Don't Talk About Fight Club

    From Redditor /u/erekiddo:

    Throughout my time in my 1st and 2nd grade classes in school there was a classmate named Jonathan who would torture...me daily. From name calling, pushing me and ridiculing me in front of other classmates - this boy was an absolute nightmare.

    It all came to a head one day when we’re sitting across from each other at some tables and he asks to see my hand. I hold out my hand on the desk and he proceeds to slam a pencil into my thumb. (Leaving a permanent mark I have to this day). This incident was reported but he was only “spoken to”. The bullying still continued.

    Fast forward a few weeks and I’m walking throughout the school playground during recess. Being the dumb kid I was, I wasn’t particularly watching where I was going and walked straight into some monkey bars. The force was enough to topple me backwards and flat onto my but. Humiliated, I looked around and was thankful that no one witnessed this happen.

    Once recess was over and I was back in class, the teacher gasped and asked what happened to my face. There was a gigantic bruising/black eye forming on my eye.

    Without hesitation I blurted out, “Jonathan punched me!” He yelled out that he didn’t, but I quickly had a rebuttal. “How else would I have got this?”

    He was suspended for a week. He never messed with me again.

  • (#13) Going Up?

    From Redditor /u/chicagojess312:

    I was staying in an older hotel in San Francisco. The elevator was very small, very old school and had signage everywhere about how you couldn't operate it with more than 4 people. I'd also been stuck in there twice already that weekend. Each time, I called the front desk and they were able to recall it to the ground floor but I'd learned to be wary.

    I should have started taking the stairs, but was on the 8th floor and was feeling lazy. So on Sunday morning I waited for the elevator for quite a while. It arrives, I hop in and a family of 5 walks up to the elevator and follows me in. They were all large people and they all had huge suitcases. I politely pointed out the sign and said that I'd already been stuck in the elevator twice and that we should split the group into two. They laughed and said they were all staying on. Welp, I thought, enjoy your ride.

    I proceeded to run up the stairs and hit the call button on every single floor. The best part was that I could hear them complaining from the stairwell every time the elevator opened and nobody was there. Petty revenge never felt so good.

  • (#14) This Seat Is Reserved

    From Redditor /u/Funky_Ducky:

    So, I decided that I wanted to go see The Martian today. I took the bus and ended up showing up 50 minutes early. So I was the only one in the theater for a good 25 minutes so I took my time picking out my ideal spot. I decided to go the bathroom before the movie so I didn't miss anything.

    On my way back with a soft pretzel in hand, I see the a woman with her kids and she's moving all of my stuff to a different seat so her and her kids can take my spot. I stomach it, grab my stuff and move to a different spot. While I'm sitting there eating my pretzel, I notice her and her kids all going to the bathroom.

    I seize the opportunity. I run, grab all their stuff, and move it to seats right in front of the entrance so they'll see it as soon they walk in. I then reclaim my rightful place in my perfect spot. The lady comes in, sees her stuff, looks at me, connects the dots, and now has been shooting the occasional [bad] glance from the front row and every other spot filled up.

  • (#15) The Line Starts Over Here

    From a former Redditor:

    On vacation, my boyfriend and I stop at the Louvre. There is a line up at the little cafe/snack bar. They have those standing barriers with ropes to guide the line-up, but the ropes aren't pulled across - because people are grownups and can see that it’s just a single line down one side of the front display.

    Cue a group of young girls in blinged-out clothes deciding they don't have time to stand in line. They go to the front and stand behind the person currently paying. They pretend to be oblivious to the 4-5 other people in line now giving them [nasty] stares.

    I am not in line but I see their little act. So I go along and start hooking up the ropes. The girls are gossiping together and ignoring everyone else around them, because hey, what do they care right? So they don't notice when I move the barrier just a smidge forward... and hook up the rope in front of them.

    The look on their faces when they turn around to order their coffees and find themselves quite obviously outside the queue was just... soooo priceless. Huffing and puffing, they had to totter their high-heeled [selves] to the back of the (now much longer) line-up.

  • (#16) Scamming The Scammer

    From Redditor /u/lululiya:

    So for the last 3 weeks, at least 3 times a day, I get a scam call from this dude claiming he installed security software on my computer and there's been a breach etc., everybody knows the drill.

    This guy leaves like, 3 minute long voicemails repeating the same 30 second spiel over and over. It's annoying. I called the number back a few times just saying "hey dude I know it's a scam, stop calling." He always sassed me real hard... so I thought hey, I have an idea. I just kept calling him back and saying nothing. I could hear him yelling through the receiver. Once he'd hang up, I'd call right back. All in all I blew up his phone for over an hour, I called him back 44 times in one hour. 

    After the last time call he was screaming nonsense and said "I am blocking your number, this is harassment, you will never contact me again." Sounds good to me. No calls today, and usually by 3 pm I've gotten 2 already. Feels goooooood.

  • (#17) Always Return Your Cart

    From Redditor /u/JuniorMintSpleen:

    First off, I'm handicapped. My mom and I stop by a busy grocery store, where the handicap spots are usually always full... Just as we're turning in to park, some lady decides that the best place to leave her shopping cart is smack dab in the middle of said spot. I look around to see that there are TWO cart pens nearby. My mom honks at the lady and she turns to look at me. I point at the cart, but she just keeps walking and gets into her car.

    So her car is almost directly behind us and the way we're situated blocks her from getting out of her spot. Instead of pulling up to the cart, removing it, and finishing parking, my mom slowly disembarks and returns the cart to its respective spot. At this point I can see the lady getting impatient. She even tries to back up and squeeze through to no avail.

    When my mom gets back in, I remind her of her unanswered texts. We get some laughs in and we finally decide to pull up into the spot and let her through, but just as we move, a nearby car starts to backup, blocking her in yet again. From her side view mirror, I can see that she's fuming at this point. When she finally gets out, she speeds out of the parking lot.

  • (#18) Winter Is Coming

    From Redditor /u/superpotato95:

    I live in New Jersey and we just had a snowstorm so I thought I could make some quick cash by shoveling driveways. I start off and do a couple of houses and make about $80 (pretty good money for me). So I go to this house and this lady says that she will give $50 for shoveling her driveway and sidewalk. I finish about 20 minutes later. I go up to the door and knock but she won’t open so I go to the back door and knock she still doesn’t open. Then I see her looking at me through the window but she quickly turns away and pretends like nothing happened. At this point I realize that I just got tricked into doing a ton of work and I’m not getting paid. I start to walk home and then remember that my friend who lived down the street has one of those machines that clear snow. (Let the revenge begin) I borrow it from him and run down to her house. I turn it on and blast that snow that I shoveled and some more all on her yard. Then she rushes outside and starts yelling at me but I return the machine to my friends house and go home.

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