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  • (#14) This Seat Is Reserved

    From Redditor /u/Funky_Ducky:

    So, I decided that I wanted to go see The Martian today. I took the bus and ended up showing up 50 minutes early. So I was the only one in the theater for a good 25 minutes so I took my time picking out my ideal spot. I decided to go the bathroom before the movie so I didn't miss anything.

    On my way back with a soft pretzel in hand, I see the a woman with her kids and she's moving all of my stuff to a different seat so her and her kids can take my spot. I stomach it, grab my stuff and move to a different spot. While I'm sitting there eating my pretzel, I notice her and her kids all going to the bathroom.

    I seize the opportunity. I run, grab all their stuff, and move it to seats right in front of the entrance so they'll see it as soon they walk in. I then reclaim my rightful place in my perfect spot. The lady comes in, sees her stuff, looks at me, connects the dots, and now has been shooting the occasional [bad] glance from the front row and every other spot filled up.

  • (#5) No Parking Means No Parking

    From Redditor /u/ NoSprog4Me:

    I'm moving out of my apartment this week and I rented one of those curbside drop off/pick up moving crates. My city requires that you get a permit for the street ($40) and provides 'no parking' signs so the crate can be loaded and unloaded.

    I hung the no parking signs along my designated space well before the crate arrived. Lo and behold some student with out of state plates parks in my space. I call the cops and they ticket the car. After my crate arrives, the car returns and parks again in the no parking zone. At the same time a landscaping company sets up a no parking zone overlapping my zone. Now there are multiple no parking signs tacked up by the offending car.

    The landscapers are angry, as the car is in their way, so we hatch a plan together. Since we both have permits for no parking zones, we both call the cops separately. The offending car ends up with several more tickets. Additionally, I flag down a meter maid and let them know that the car has been in the spot for more than two hours (limit for non residents). Another $40 ticket. By the end of the day this dumb student had five tickets on his windshield.

    No parking means no parking!

  • (#7) The Pen Thief

    From Redditor /u/valiantfreak:

    Dad is a principal at a school, and has been for a long time... One day some lady arrives and expresses an interest in enrolling her son. Principal Dad is speaking with her, gets her some forms to fill out, even offers her his special pen. The pen is a nice stainless steel job that was given to every member of the executive staff on the school's 25th anniversary.

    Anyway, lady and her son fill out the paperwork and go on their way, at which point Dad realizes his pen has also left. Clearly the pen wasn't a gift; it was obviously more expensive than a plastic hotel pen.

    Fast forward to the next week when the lady arrives to drop her son off for his first day at the school. Principal Dad waits for Mrs. Pen Thief and gives her the Emergency Contact Form to fill out. Normally this is given to the kid to fill out but Dad was hoping to see the pen again.

    Sure enough, this silly lady forgets where she stole the pen from and out comes the 25th Anniversary Pen to fill out the form... "And now I just need to sign it here," says Principal Dad, patting down his pockets as if looking for a pen. Instinctively Mrs. Pen Thief reaches into her handbag and offers him The Pen. "Thanks." he said as he signs on the bottom of the form... and puts the pen back in his own shirt pocket right in front of her.

    Mrs Pen Thief looks confused, opens her mouth, realizes what has happened, and quickly closes her mouth again. She mumbles a thanks and scurries out the door.

    I believe he still has the pen to this day.

  • (#3) The Song That Never Ends

    From Redditor /u/SgtSlaughterEX:

    I had two jobs, one was at this country ice house...[in the middle of] nowhere outside of my city. This place was pretty small, but was one of the few bars in a certain area so it would get busy. A lot off good ol' boys and oil field guys. 

    I worked the door, checked IDs and such, and usually broke up fights or kick people out. One night some trouble happens between some regulars and one guy tries to hit another guy with a pool stick. I happened to get hit in the arm but got behind the guy and put him to sleep. Next day the manager calls me to tell me I'm being let go. Apparently pool stick guy spends a lot of money and me putting him to sleep left him bitter so he called the owner. That's fine.

    Anyways the bar has a nice fancy jukebox. If you have the app you can just pick songs on your credit card and they'll play. If you hit play next on a song, even if they turn the jukebox off, it'll play when it starts back up. It's also unskippable. With the master remote you could skip a song but they lost that remote so they really can't do much if someone plays a certain song they don't like, and even if they unplug it, it'll play no matter what when they turn it on.

    Here's my petty revenge:

    The owner does inventory every Tuesday night. It also happens to be a busy night because they do pool tournaments and it usually gets packed. So here I thought, I could probably just play the same song over and over and there's nothing they can really do. I got twenty bucks in credits and that usually gives you about 18 unskippable songs. Plus more depending if the app gifts you credits.

    I picked a remix of Cotton Eye Joe, that comes in at around 7 minutes a pop. Usually when the pool tournament started. Two hours of hearing the same song has killed their business on Tuesdays. Even if they unplug it, it'll still play when they plugged it back up.

    I've been doing it for two months so far, last I heard they had to buy a new jukebox at a cost $5,000. I'll probably stop for a month then start again. 

  • (#10) A No-Stubble Zone

    From Redditor /u/remorse667:

    I got turned down, by the manager, at a job interview for team member at Dominos because of my stubble facial hair.

    Weeks later I order from that same Dominos, and that same manager is the one who delivers my order, which is around $25, and I couldn't help but notice he has stubble facial hair. So I gave him no tip, and told him the exact same thing he told me.

    It's not exactly like this, but something similar: "Why do you have all that facial hair? Do you think customers wanna see that? Anyways, I won't be giving you a tip this time. Maybe when I order again, I'll be giving you a tip. But of course, remember to shave."

  • (#2) Have A Good Night

    From Redditor /u/jake_swivel:

    Working at Blockbuster, circa 2003. When checking people out, there were two things you're supposed to do. 1: read the titles of the movies and give the due dates. 2: tell people to have a nice day/night after handing them their movies on the other side of the security gate.

    So a guy comes in with his two kids on a busy Friday night. He has a few children's titles and [an adult] flick. I ring up the videos and tell him the due dates of the kid movies and say "the other one is due _____" trying to save him a little embarrassment. I walk over to the security gate to hand him the videos where I'm planning on telling him to have a good night, but he's still at the register. Confused, I look at him and he says, "Aren't you forgetting something?" I think through the Blockbuster process and can't come up with anything.

    He has an indignant look on his face and says, "You're supposed to tell me to have a good night!"

    I'm pretty stunned that a grown man is so reliant on the well wishes of an eighteen year old, especially since I would've given him what he so desperately needed if he'd walked over to the security gate. So I say, "Sir, I'm so sorry. Have a great night. I hope you enjoy your copy of..." I look down at his VHS tape then look at everyone behind him in line and raise my voice, "MARRIED PEOPLE, SINGLE SEX!"

    He turns bright red, and the lady behind him covers her face. Sorta feel bad for his kids getting caught in the cross fire, but there are always casualties in war.

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