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(#1) A Modern Mobile Fairy Tale: Man Marries His Smart Phone
Los Angeles filmmaker Aaron Chervenak claimed he wanted to make a point about the emotional connection people have with their phones, but he was probably just sick of his parents bothering him about finding a girlfriend. In the name of ~art~, Chervenak eloped with his phone to the Little Las Vegas Chapel.
He explained, "If we’re gonna be honest with ourselves, we connect with our phones on so many emotional levels. We look to it for solace, to calm us down, to put us to sleep, to ease our minds, and to me, that’s also what a relationship is about. In a sense, my smartphone has been my longest relationship." What a catch.
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(#2) He Choo Choo Chooses It: Man Marries Steam Engine Train
Joachim A has a thing for the inner workings of technical objects, which is great since he works as a repair man... but not so great for his spouse, a steam locomotive.
"A love affair could very well begin with a broken radiator," Joachim says, "Repair jobs have often led to infidelity in the past." But they always seem to plow through it and stay together somehow.
He stresses that people like him (the people on this list) aren't just fetishists. "For some people, their car becomes a fetish which they use to put themselves in the limelight. For the objectum-sexual, on the other hand, the car itself – and nothing else – is the desired sexual partner, and all sexual fantasies and emotions are focused on it." Needless to say, this guy loves to fix things.
He realized he had a "thing" for things when he was 12. He's currently 45. He loves his train like he would a person, according to him: "you can reveal yourself to an object partner in an intimate way, in a way that you would never reveal yourself to any other person...[even] experience sexuality together."
[insert sex-train pun here]
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(#3) May Their Love Never Be Brought Down: A Woman Marries the Berlin Wall
Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, whose surname means Berlin Wall in German, wed the Berlin Wall in 1979 after being diagnosed with a condition called Objectum-Sexuality. Was this REALLY the only prescription?
Berliner-Mauer says she fell in love with the structure when she first saw it on television at age seven, she refers to it as "he" and she collected his pictures until she could save up enough money to visit. On her sixth trip in 1979, they tied the knot before a handful of guests.
While she technically remains a virgin, she insists she has a full, loving relationship with the wall.
When the Berlin wall was brought down 1989, Berliner-Mauer was horrified as she watched her husband being brought down. She has not been back since and now keeps models depicting "his" former glory.
"What they did was awful. They mutilated my husband," she said. She has since been said to have shifted her affections to a nearby garden fence. So, because the wall doesn't look as good as it did in 1979, you're just gonna leave him for another rampart? Apparently, Berliner-Mauer partakes in sexual stimulation with this fence by rubbing herself on it... like a cat in heat.
Berliner-Mauer, said: "I find long, slim things with horizontal lines very sexy. The Great Wall of China's attractive, but he’s too thick – my husband is sexier."
There's nothing left to say after that really.
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(#4) Game Over: A Man Marries a Video Game Character
A man called Sal9000 (this story should really just be able to end after this, the guy's name) married Nene Anegasaki. Nene lives inside of a Nintendo DS video game called "Love Plus." The wedding was quite an event, carried out before a live audience and broadcast to a virtual one; the bride (who made a speech) and groom were married by a real human priest.
While normal people worry about growing apart, Sal9000 has to worry about the fact that the Nintendo DS is completely outdated at this point and Gamestop will not take returns on used equipment.
In the video above, a guy marries a video game.
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(#5) Artist Tracey Emin Married a Rock/"Impressive Stone"
At her 2016 exhibition in Hong Kong, UK artist Tracey Emin announced that she had married a rock. Excuse us, an "impressive stone." In her own words:
"The whole thing with the stone is - it's a big stone, right. It's in my garden, it's very nice and very impressive and I like it a lot. The other thing about the stone is that it could be quite monstrous and scary. Instead I saw it as a protection thing as opposed to a fearful thing. The other thing with the stone is it's not going anywhere. Even if there's the biggest tsunami in the whole world, the stone will probably still stay there. Maybe it's not a person. But maybe it's an anchor for me, something I can identify with.
No matter how mad my life might be or what may happen that stone is stability and comfort."
To each their own!
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(#6) The Ride of Her Life: A Woman Marries a Roller Coaster
Amy Wolfe Weber is a church organist who comes from Pennsylvania, and she is married to a roller coaster. The husband in question is an 80ft gondola ride called 1001 Nachts. The 35-year-old woman said she first fell for the ride at the tender age of 13, "I was instantly attracted to him sexually and mentally. I wasn’t freaked out, as it just felt so natural, but I didn’t tell anyone about it because I knew it wasn’t ‘normal’ to have feelings for a fairground ride."
Amy had ridden the ride over 3,000 times before they were married, I guess that's her version of a normal courtship, she sleeps with a picture of the ride on her ceiling and carries spare nuts and bolts from it in her pocket, so that way they are always together.... just what you like to hear... a fair ride having "extra parts."
Amy claims they have a fulfilling physical and spiritual relationship, and she doesn't get jealous when other people ride her husband. Oh, and Weber is the name of the ride's manufacturer; Amy changed it after she was married.
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(#7) The Architecture of Her Love: Woman Marries the Eiffel Tower
Erika Eiffel has had a love for objects since she was a little girl.
"I thought everyone had a connection to objects in one way or the other. It really wasn't until I saw that they were dating each other and I was dating a bridge, that I was different. I just went to school and pretended I was like everybody else," she said.
Her love of objects served her well; she became a world-class archer and won a $250,000 scholarship to the United States Air Force Academy, all thanks to her attraction to the F-15 fighter jet. She said when she saw the F-15 she thought, "I'd like to get to know this jet. Kind of like a guy goes to a bar and he sees a really nice-looking girl and he, he wants to go sit next to her, buy her a drink and get to know her more. Well, I kind of felt that way about the F-15."
However, her love of objects got her discharged from the Air Force, ridiculed by her peers, and abandonment by her family.
That's when she found true love, with the Eiffel Tower. "Her structure is just amazing. You know, she's got subtle, subtle curves, you know," that's how Eiffel describes her wife. Erika Eiffel participated in a commitment ceremony with the Eiffel Tower. "I will tell you that I know love is being reciprocated," Eiffel said. "I'm happy, I'm not hurting anyone, I'm not hurting myself, I'm not being held back. I love my life." C'est la vie!
I guess she really had to burn all her bridges to get to that point...
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(#8) Talk About a Family Tree: Bollywood Actress Marries a Tree
Bollywood movie star and former Miss World Aishwarya Rai participated in an ancient Hindu ritual ceremony in which the bride spiritually marries a tree.
The ritual is allegedly to help overcome differences in the couple's astrological charts – disparities which traditional Hindus believe have negative consequences on marriage. Under this ancient belief, Rai is considered a 'manglik' because her chart bears the planet Mars, and she must be 'married' to a peepal tree, a banana tree or a silver or golden idol of the Hindu god Vishnu in order to overcome the devastating effects being a 'manglik' could have on her impending nuptials.
Rai was also hit with a lawsuit, so it didn't take away ALL bad luck; she faced a civil lawsuit for practicing the 'untouchability' service, which is associated with the caste system, because such ceremonies are in violation of the Indian constitution and are deemed offensive to women.
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(#9) His Bride Is Such a Doll: A Man Marries a Barbie Doll
A 46-year-old Taiwanese man, Chang Hsi-hsum, said he needed to marry a doll in order to appease the restless spirit of his dead wife. Not even the adult kind of doll most self-respecting weirdos like marrying (more on that later), but a 28cm (11-inch) Barbie doll.
Apparently, the ceremony was quite elaborate. Barbie's so spoiled with her dream house and yacht that he had to show her a better way to live by having the wedding take place at his local Buddhist temple.
The man believes the doll houses the spirit of his wife, Tsai, who killed herself 20 years ago because his family opposed their marriage.
According to the news story, "the ceremony appeared to be a wedding like any other, with the bride's anxious family waiting outside the temple for the groom's arrival beforehand."
The bride wore a wedding dress, complete with gold jewelery and rings and a gold necklace that had belonged to Tsai was placed on the doll. Tsai's dowry was also included in the ceremony, represented by a paper model of a red Mercedes car. It was then burned so she could use it in the afterlife. How had she been getting around all this time?
After the wedding, Chang and his new bride returned to their home together with the urn that contained Tsai's ashes. He clearly carried her over the threshold.
The urn will be placed at their home, and from now on, Tsai will be regarded as a member of their family. The groom's family have asked for Tsai's forgiveness by giving their blessing to the marriage, thus placating her spirit.
Chang Hsi-hsun said: "I have waited for this day for 20 years. Even after all this time, I feel in love with her. Now I will marry her spirit and take her home. We will be finally together and able to live in peace."
But before you get all sentimental, Chang did not spend 20 years alone, he remarried after Tsai's death and this ceremony was carried out with his current wife's blessing. Yes, current wife. He is still married.
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(#10) Barking Up The Wrong Tree: Woman Marries 100 Year Old Ficus
After the city approved a request from a developer to have a 100 year old ficus tree demolished, a Florida woman decided to marry the tree. The 60 year old Karen Cooper wed the tree - which stands in Snell Family Park in Fort Myers, Florida - on March 24, 2018. This was not a legal ceremony, as there were no priest or rings, but a local DJ and community members showed up to celebrate. According to Cooper, this was mostly an act of protest as many trees were recently lost in Hurricane Irma.
"The tree is the focal point of a very sweet neighborhood park, and without it, the park would just be a vacant lot," she said.
Cooper hopes marrying the tree will call attention to its importance and keep it from getting cut down.
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(#11) A Picture Perfect Marriage: Man Marries a Picture of Himself
It's always good to have self-confidence, and people really should learn to love themselves and all, but this man is taking it to an extreme. 39-year-old Chinese man Liu Ye married a life-sized cutout photo of himself wearing a red bridal gown. Ye said he was dissatisfied with reality so he married himself. That makes perfect sense.
The wedding took place in the square of Guanzhou Village before friends and weirded out local villagers. All of the ancient Chinese wedding traditions were honored including the bride kowtowing to heaven and earth, to ancestors and to the elderly aged 90 and over. Bride and groom made the traditional rounds of toasting guests during the banquet.
Remarked one guest, "It is a real grand wedding except that the bride is a photo." Oh, just that one little thing?
Self described as "an angry Chinese youth at best," Liu Ye denies he is gay but does admit to being "a little bit narcissistic." Just a little!?! Ye said, "marrying myself is a process of deconstructing and reconstructing myself. I make use of the wedding to reconsider opposite-sex marriage. My behavior seems ridiculous, but I am traditional and conservative in heart so the wedding ceremony is traditional."
Yeah, totally conservative and traditional... he's just crazy enough to fit in with the conservatives here in the States!
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(#12) Whole Lotta Love For Technology: Man Marries iBook
Bill Rifka is a 35-year-old psychology student who is in a committed relationship with an iBook. Boy, signing your life away to one laptop... the temptation must be overwhelming to cheat! And normal married men say monogamy is difficult.... they've got nothing on Bill.
While most men look at porn sites, Bill looks at ebay and says "I've often flirted with many a sweet laptop on eBay and felt true desire," but he never strays. Like any other person that suffers from objectum-sexuals, Rifka gave a gender to his object.
"To me, my Mac is male. I'm living in a homosexual relationship, so to speak."
Not that there's anything wrong with that....
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(#13) She'll Never Say No: Man Marries Sex Doll
When Davecat married a sex doll in 2000, he said "She provides me with a lot of things that I can't get out of an organic partner, like...quiet." Not to be rude, but there's a good chance Dave spent many a night with nothing but quiet. When you make the cognitive decision to marry a sex doll, it's an easy jump to assume the ladies are banging down your door on the regular.
So you go ahead and put the blame on the fact that women "talk to much" and not that you can't get a girl with a pulse.
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(#14) Her Heart Is a Stereo: Woman Marries a Radio
A British woman who goes by the name "Emma," because she wishes to remain anonymous, says she is in love with a hi-fi system which she called Jake. Jake, she says, is "solid, reliable and beautiful". She repairs "him" when he goes wrong, and "makes love" to him on average twice a day.
"Emma" is a bit of a loner but says, "I would like to meet more people and to have friends," she says, "but I just think it is too difficult now. I am scared they will reject me.
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(#15) No Stone Left Unturned: Woman Marries Pet Rock
In 1976, secretary Jannene Swift married a 50 lb piece of granite. Guess it really rocked her world.
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(#16) A Good Night's Rest: Man Marries a Pillow
A 28-year-old Korean man by the name of Lee Jin-gyu married a body pillow in a public, church-officiated ceremony.
The groom wore a tux and the pillow wore a picture of the face of popular anime vixen, Fate Testarossa.
He married a pillow.
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