Random People Describe What It's Like To Date A Narcissist (15 items)

• (#8) She Made Them Think Everything Was Their Fault

  From Redditor /u/aesop_fables:

  I've wrote about this quite a few times but I dated a narcissist for 10 years. How'd it end? My mind being completely warped and me finally seeking the help needed to get over the mental [manipulation]. You honestly don't realize it's going on while you're in it but you do know something isn't right. You're constantly thinking it's your fault, however. Traits? Hmm

  1. She didn't care about me at all. She told me one time "I don't think I should have to ask you how your day was or how you're doing." When you do start talking about things involving you she became very uninterested and would change the topic to herself.

  2. Takes absolutely no blame for anything! You walk in on her and some dude balls deep inside her (never happened to me just an example) she would probably say something like it's your fault this happened because you didn't do (insert literally anything here) enough.

  3. Expects to be taken care of.

  4. Has no friends. What I mean by this is she knew a TON of people but had no friends. She had a new "best friend" every 3 months. When asked why it was "their fault". They were crazy or they did something to her and she doesn't want to talk to them again.

  5. Almost always cheaters and she lied about everything. If you asked if her coffee was hot she would say no. If you asked if it was raining outside she would say no even if it was pouring down. She naturally lied first then corrected herself through some excuse later.

  I could go on and on and on. Biggest take away is gaslighting is VERY real. The mental mind f*ck that you go through is also VERY real. If you're going through it and you feel [stupid] for falling for that sh*t I hear you but it's not your fault. I literally hid my issues because I was so embarrassed that I could fall for her sh*t. But I did. I went to a therapist and two years later I'm MUCH MUCH better.
• (#5) He Belittled Others' Intellect

  From Redditor /u/tatyanalarina2018:

  Physically: tall, "barrel-chested," fair hair, blue eyes (cold and dead in person) and what I called "rugby player thighs." Not an GQ model, but he seemed very 'male' to me, and I felt very drawn to him physically, which I'd only ever experienced with one other (opposite looking) man before.

  Profession: project management/engineering. We both had bachelor's degrees. He was very analytical/logic oriented and taken with his own intellect. Voracious reader (as am I). When we were getting to know each other, he made some throwaway comment about how he doesn't "suffer fools gladly" and something to the effect of "not everyone can be as intellectually gifted as we are." By the end of things I felt like he purposefully tried to intellectually belittle me. For instance, I told him I was reading some (Thomas) Hardy, and he incredulously, mockingly asked, "The Hardy Boys??" I was speechless.

  Hobbies: He was an outdoorsy guy, always doing something "cool" or "daring" (skiing/snowboarding, mountain biking, had a motorbike, tried paragliding, water skiing, wanted to get a dive cert even though he lived in the mountains) - fed into my vision of him as this manly man, but I also thought it all seemed a bit much - like he was trying to create an image, a persona. He seemed to think cool hobbies=having a personality. He ultimately made me feel like my interests weren't impressive/interesting enough, even though in the beginning he told me a willingness to try some of his was all he needed. Once told me I'd be perfect if I'd be willing to learn how to ski. After I spent a small fortune to learn to ski with him, he told me that was good, but that he likes to take long bike rides too. (The fact that I ride a stationary 60 minutes a day apparently wasn't enough common ground for him to work with.)

  Personality: Online: engaging, flirty, told me about having "his heart ripped out" by other women. In person: aloof, no empathy or warmth...self described "stiff upper lip" type who doesn't show emotion and didn't hold my hand...but loved sexual flirting and said I should've [slept] with him, that we could have "done it all weekend" during one of my confusing visits.

  I could go on and on - he was a piece of work.
• (#6) The Relationship Lasted Seven Months Before They Realized His Narcissism

  From Redditor /u/rainbowshummingbird:

  My nex was a quiet, well mannered, intelligent, nerdy, attorney. He was not super charismatic and he was not that physically attractive. Because of how smart he was, it ended up taking me a while to figure out that he was a narc. Over time people reveal their real selves. It took about seven months for me to become aware that he was a lying, manipulative, passive aggressive, selfish narc.

  It was not easy, early on, to determine that he was a narc; but there were a few signs that I chose to disregard. When we first dated, I was largely unaware of the covert narcissist’s tactics. Hopefully, I am now better prepared to understand the signs and behaviors.
• (#14) He Put His Own Needs First

  From Redditor /u/sumsumsumaaa:

  Most of these apply to my last ex.

  He showed signs on the second date, which I ignored against my better judgement. Lack of empathy was a BIG one. He always put his needs first, in and out of the bedroom. Basically, he wanted me around when it was convenient for him. Judgmental of people. Everywhere we went he had something negative to say. It's one thing to notice something different, but another to roast someone in public - it was unrelenting ranting and assumptions until I could convince him to calm down. When he apologized, he didn't inquire why he had made me upset or try to resolve any issues we were having. Everything that happened to him was unfair and out of his control. He hated his house, his job, he didn't have much friends or a social life, and kept to himself quite a bit. His reason for breaking up with his ex was because he stopped trying. One night I asked him a hypothetical question, and he refused to answer, saying he simply didn't get ahead of himself or indulge in thoughts of fantasy. Pretty much would shut down any kind of conversations like that. The entire time we were dating, something felt really off and I couldn't imagine spending my future days with someone like that.
• (#4) He Had A Great Memory And Was In Tune With Others' Feelings

  From Redditor /u/booboo424:

  Mine is a structural engineer. Very smart. Great memory. Very in tune with others feelings.

  6 foot, light brown eyes, dark brown hair, freckled shoulders, large hands, extremely handsome, long thick eyelashes, perfect eyebrows, beard, very fit lean body with great abs.

  He was into bodybuilding for a while and said everyone that did it had low self esteem including himself.

  He never had an online presence.

  He lied all the time. About everything.
• (#1) Their Physical Reaction To Him Revealed Something Was Off

  From Redditor /u/Vampirekiller123:

  Gym bro. Called me babe then switched to calling me dude when I was being devalued. Super “don Jaun” over the top “I am the greatest lover in the world” type of acting. Looking back I’m embarrassed for myself that it worked on me and for him for being so embarrassing. Super smart. Very covert. Worked in tech surprisingly. Nerd hobbies. Eyes were creepy as f$&@ though. ice blue and dead, flat, calculating. Very much like when a python looks through the glass at a reptile museum. That paired with the over the top [shows of affection] created this surreal confusing situation in my brain where I was getting wonderful stimuli when I saw him but my flight or fight response would also always kick in as well. I pretty much didn’t eat during the time I knew him and hyperventilated a lot[.] Without that I would never have felt something was off. Sometimes you know for sure but are in denial and your body lets you know.

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