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  • (#4) Loaf-of-bread-sized poop clogs park toilet

    "When I was a kid I did maintenance for the county park system. In a women's restroom at the home base park we started the day at, someone left a turd the length and almost width of a loaf of bread. It was bent and you could tell they tried their hardest to flush it. We called several guys over the radio to drive over and see this thing. Then we used a piece of wood to finally chop it up and flush it down for good.

    I've never seen a sh*t that big since, and I've always wondered how something like that could even be passed."

  • (#14) Hospital janitor cleans human brains out of ambulence

    "I used to work as a janitor in a hospital as a student job and the worst I cleaned up was in the ambulance room. It was a parts of a human brain on the floor, they already had washed up part of it when I arrived!"
  • (#3) Rancid lunch box causes janitor to projectile vomit

    "One night we noticed an above average amount of flies congregating around a Dora the Explorer lunch bag hanging off a coat hanger in the hallway. It also kind of stinks, so I prod it with my broom, and a Ziploc bag full of brown sludge falls out and explodes on the floor. The putrid stench of whatever was in the bag hits me like a truck and I instantly projectile vomit on the floor. My friend who was also working with me as a janitor comes over and can't even come within 20 feet because it smells so bad. We shovel it into a snow shovel and dump it in the dumpster, but by then the smell has permeated the entire building. We had to open every window and basically mop the whole building with this powerful anti-odor stuff that we had. To this day, I have no idea what could have been in that bag, my hypothesis is that it was a porkchop sandwich that had liquefied and fermented over the course of several months."
  • (#11) Customer poops in restaurant's shop vac; tries to hide it

    "I was a manager at a delicatessen/ restaurant. There was a hallway in the back that led to the bathrooms, but it passed by the office on the way. The door to the office had broken recently and while we were waiting on a new door, we left it open - other than a heavy-duty safe bolted to the floor, there wasn't anything in there that anyone wanted - a few files, some supplies, etc. Also our shop vac.

    At the end of the day, I went back to put money in the safe - there was an odd smell, but being adjacent to the bathrooms I didn't think anything of it. But later someone went to use the shop vac and it smelled horrendous. We opened the top and...

    Apparently, someone went back and both bathrooms were occupied, and they couldn't hold it. The easiest receptacle, we guessed, was the shop vac they spied in the open office. Some one took a diarrhea sh*t in our shop vac.

    We just chucked the thing in the dumpster. None of us were paid enough to deal with that.""

  • (#9) Repeat offender leaves sausages in grocery store's urinals

    "When I was 15, I worked at a big grocery store as part of the maintenance team. Being the rookie, I had to clean both male and female bathrooms. Almost every time I went to clean the male bathroom, I would find raw sausages in the urinals. I was a kid, so I don't know why some idiot thought he was so funny leaving those for me to find."
  • (#7) Girls deface movie theatre bathroom with poop and blood graffiti during "Twilight" release

    "Movie theatre. Twilight releases. Separate occasions.

    'Team Jacob' written in sh*t in a woman's restroom stall.

    Next release? 'Team Edward' written in period blood in a woman's restroom stall."

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