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(#1) Everything About You Is Ugly
Marcus: You're an emotional f*cking cripple. Your soul is dog sh*t. Every single f*cking thing about you is ugly.
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(#2) I Weigh 92 Pounds
Willie: You can't drink worth sh*t.
Marcus: I weigh 92 pounds, you d*ck!
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(#3) The Three B's
Marcus: More booze, more bullsh*t, more butt-f*cking
Willie: Sure, the 3 B's.
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(#4) What Are Their Names?
Kid: What are their names?
Willie: Who?
Kid: The Elves.
Willie: Sh*t, I can't remember, I think one of them is Sneezy and there's a Dopey...
Kid: That's the seven dwarfs!
Willie: You're sh*ttin' me? I thought... I was thinking there was a... I don't know! F*ck, kid; I just call them you know Bub, I call them... I say hey Bub or Chief or whatever the f*ck, I tell them to make the godd*mmed toys.
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(#5) It Made Me Feel Good
Willie: You know, I think I've turned a corner.
Marcus: Yeah? You f*cking petites now?
Willie: No, I'm not talking about that. I beat the sh*t out of some kids today. But it was for a purpose. It made me feel good about myself. It was like I did something constructive with my life or something, I dunno, like I accomplished something.
Marcus: You need many years of therapy. Many, many f*ckin' years of therapy.
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(#6) Santa!
Sue: F*ck me, Santa! F*ck me, Santa! F*ck me, Santa!
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(#7) Wish In One Hand
Willie: Why don't you wish in one hand, and sh*t in the other. See which one fills up first.
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(#8) I've Been to Prison Once
Willie: I've been to prison once, I've been married - twice. I was once drafted by Lyndon Johnson and had to live in sh*t-a** Mexico for two and a half years for no reason. I've had my eye socket punched in, a kidney taken out, and I got a bone-chip in my ankle that's never gonna heal. I've seen some pretty sh*tty situations in my life, but nothing has ever sucked more a** than this!
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(#9) I've Always Had a Thing for Santa Claus
Sue: I've always had a thing for Santa Claus. In case you didn't notice. It's like some deep-seeded childhood thing.
Willie: So is my thing for t*ts.
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(#10) Want Cookies?
Kid: Want cookies?
Willie: No.
Kid: Want milk?
Willie: No.
Kid: Want me to fix you some sandwiches?
Willie: What the f*ck is it with you and fixin' f*ckin' sandwiches?
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(#11) Fraggle-Stick Car
Willie: What do you want?
Fraggle-Stick Boy: Fraggle-Stick car.
Willie: What the f*ck is that?
Fraggle-Stick Boy: Fraggle-Stick car.
Willie: Well I heard you. Fraggle-Stick car. Fine.
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(#12) Wooden Pickle
Kid: It's a wooden pickle.
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(#13) Is Granny Spry?
Willie: Is Granny spry?
Kid: Grandma, are you spry?
Grandma: Roger, you're home, let me fix you some sandwiches!
Willie: Are you f*cking kidding me?
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(#14) What's This?
Gin: What's this?
Shoplifter: I was going to pay for it.
Gin: Wrong answer.
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(#15) Drop the Gun!
Police Chief: Drop the gun!
Marcus: Huh?
Police Chief: And you, Santa, drop the elephant!
Marcus: How did you get here?
Police Chief: Tipped off.
Willie: Oh, sh*t, that f*cking kid!
Police Chief: All three of you are in so much sh*t, it's almost unbelievable.
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About This Tool
Bad Santa is a crime comedy released in 2003. The movie tells the story of a thief who specializes in stealing safes and finally realizes the meaning of Christmas and gives up the crime. The protagonist is a salesman who plays Santa Claus every day. In fact, he is a thief and does not believe in the legend of Santa Claus, but everyone he meets regards him as Santa Claus.
The classic black gestures and humorous dialogues and quotes in the movie make all audiences laugh and then discover that there are no fairy tales in the real world. The random tool lists 15 hilarious quotes from Bad Santa, you are sure to be interested in this movie.
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