Random Things You Suck At, According To Your Zodiac Sign (12 items)

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  (#1) Aries (March 21 - April 19)

  • Constellation

  Two years ago, Aries told you not wear hoop earrings because hoop earrings were her thing. Then, when your parents got you a pair of gorgeous, expensive, white gold hoops for Hanukkah, you had to pretend you didn't even like them. The truth is that Aries is always the boss regardless of whether or not she wears pink on Wednesdays. Although the good thing is that Aries are energetic and can make good leaders, but a good leader is easily also a bossy one.
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  (#2) Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

  • Constellation

  Taurus, we know it's safe on your couch watching TV, but don't you want to do something other than Netflix and chill? Taurus is the laziest of the zodiac signs, if only because you can't fail if you don't try. Nothing bad ever happened to anyone after watching 45 episodes of Friends in a row, but do you not feel the smallest pang of shame when Netflix asks you if you're still watching?

  However, don't let a Taurean lack of drive fool you. They're really just interpreted as lazy because doing nothing is the safest option at any given time. If things don't change, they can't change for the worse.
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  (#3) Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

  • Constellation

  Gemini's symbol is twins because if you're born under the sign you're going to get one of two characteristics – the loyal, passionate friend who hates the same people you do or the two-faced gossip who accidentally spreads your secrets around town. Geminis just can't keep their mouths shut, but it's not always on purpose. They're the kind of people who get so swept up in a juicy conversation that they accidentally disclose sensitive details. Whoops! Sometimes when you're passionately judging someone, it's easy to accidentally spill the tea.
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  (#4) Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

  • Constellation

  Inside that hard shell is a mushy, squishy body who just can't handle criticism of any kind – even if it's helpful. Cancers take everything personally regardless of whether or not it has anything to do with them. Their favorite pastime is grueling over an acquaintance's subtweet, agonizing over the true meaning of a four word text message, or crying from a light-hearted joke. Seriously, don't roast them in the group chat because they might never recover. To make matters worse, Cancers overthink all of this stuff while sitting alone in their bedroom because these oversensitive crabs are indeed hermit crabs, too.
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  (#5) Leo (July 23 - August 22)

  • Constellation

  Leos have an ego as big as a lion – and they can't keep it in check. They're the kind of people who would delete an Instagram post in a huff if it doesn't get enough likes. They always, always need to be the center of attention, and if they're not, they'll make a spectacle out of themselves in order to stay in the spotlight (or they'll lie to themselves and insist they came out on top. No Leo is ever an understudy – they simply turned down the main part because they were too busy being awesome). Most of us just can't handle the drama and prefer to have conversations that expand beyond the realm of Leo's unmatched greatness.
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  (#6) Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

  • Constellation

  What you call hyper critical and wildly judgmental, a Virgo would call detail-oriented. Virgos just aren't great at letting the little things go – from pointing out a tiny, irrelevant inconsistency in your memory of Friday's night (no that guy didn't actually hit on you like you thought, don't you remember?) or noticing that your foundation is a half shade off from your natural skin tone. It's probably kind of helpful if you're the kind of person who doesn't want to walk around with greens between your teeth, but sometimes, you just want to live without being picked apart. Let us live, Virgo, let us live!
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  (#7) Libra (September 23 - October 22)

  • Constellation

  Libra, Hufflepuff, what's really the difference? This flighty, indecisive zodiac just can't handle anything other than rainbows and puppies. When grumpy baby boomers talk about snowflake millennials, you can probably blame Librans for giving all of us a bad rap. At the root of it, a Libra just wants to love and be loved, but hates confrontation which makes coexisting in any serious relationship kind of difficult and will often repress things to the point of a meltdown. If things blow up in a heated, melodramatic explosion of emotion, know it was probably pent up inside a poor Libra all along. 
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  (#8) Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

  • Constellation

  Scorpios may traditionally be represented by eight-legged scorpions, but don't be fooled. Every Scorpio has a snake bigger than Taylor Swift lurking somewhere inside of their dark souls. Scorpios are wildly possessive masters of manipulation who have an intoxicating air of danger about them that lures people. They might seem charming on the outside, but on the inside, they're straight-up venomous – especially if they smell a hint of disloyalty. "Disloyalty" is a broad term for Scorpios and can be as innocuous as liking a Facebook post from a frenemy or swearing your allegiance to In-N-Out instead of Shake Shack.

  The worst part of dealing with a Scorpio is that once you get into a spat, you going to be stung. Scorpios are too secretive and paranoid that people will manipulate them in the way they've manipulated you, so you can't win. Scorpios always destroy the receipts, unless the receipts are yours. In that case, they're filed in alphabetical order and relegated to the depths of their snake lair for safe keeping. 
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  (#9) Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

  • Star System

  There's no one who embodies the idea of an independent spirit more than Sagittarius. A Sagittarius is wildly independent, dedicated and driven – a lone wolf who slays the world solo. These traits are a straight-shot to success, but they also sort of get in the way.

  Stubborn Sagittarians have to do everything by themselves. Like a toddler who falls flat on their face after insisting they can tie their shoes without the help of mom and dad, a Sagittarius will fall over and over again because they believe they don't need anyone. In turn, a Sag's desire to succeed without the help of others makes them seem pretty overconfident, argumentative and smug. No one likes to watch a stubborn person repeatedly fail because they can't ask for a hand (or maybe you do, if you're a Scorpio).
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  (#10) Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

  • Constellation

  Keep your friends close and your enemies closer – as long as your enemies have success, money and social status. Capricorns are serious social-climbers. This strong-willed sign has no problems cutting out a toxic friend – they may even err on the side of callous – unless of course that toxic friend is ultra-popular. If that's the case, you'll probably hear them name drop that person ad nauseam.

  If you've got something a Capricorn wants, you can bet she's going to snuggle up close until she leeches your success. Hey, at least Capricorn's methods really do work. They definitely manage to climb the social ladder and excel in their fields, though it's at the cost of genuine relationships. Is it lonely at the top? Capricorn couldn't care less.
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  (#11) Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

  • Constellation

  Aquariuses are smart smart and innovative at their very core, but exist in a strange paradox between mainstream and fringe. If you're an Aquarius, you've got the kind of mind that isn't about to file that boring paperwork at your day job because you're busy dreaming up a future where a computer will fill it out for you. Unfortunately, that's pretty annoying for literally everyone you work with, and you can come off like a total brag or someone who's completely apathetic. Yeah, it's a drag to have to explain your brainiac ideas to minds who think inside the box, but you can't let it get the best of you. The world hasn't yet caught up to your ideologies, so when you ditch out on paying a parking ticket in a fit of rebellion, you're going to have to own up to the annoying late fine. Who knew being smart would be so hard?
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  (#12) Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

  • Constellation

  You don't mean it, Pisces. You're a good friend - a great friend. You just get wrapped up in your creative projects. It's like that time you started working on that experimental art instillation and suddenly its seven hours later, all your friends are asking where you are, and you realized you haven't even had any dinner. You also have a tendency to get pretty pessimistic, and you're no stranger to canceling plans just because you're feeling overwhelmed at the thought of existing in a world where everyone's work seems better than yours. A little advice? Get off the Internet and get to work. Browsing local artists' Instagram pages when you're in that sort of mood doesn't give you inspiration. It just makes you feel terrible.

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