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(#1) Keep Your Distance
Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, break away completely from each other right after the break up. This means not seeing each other, not being around his/her family members, no phone calls, no e-mails, no text messages, no Facebook, and no IMs - not necessarily as a permanent measure, but until you feel that you can converse with him/her on a purely platonic level. -
(#2) Don't Go Back on Your Decision
If the break up was your decision, keep your reasons in mind. If you think too much about all the good times, it may distract you from the underlying problems that you two had. If the break up wasn't your idea, don't try to change your partner's mind - you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to b with you anyway. -
(#3) Try Not to Get Caught in the Moment
If he/she tries to convince you to see him/her, ask yourself honestly what the point would be. If you're reliving the past by seeing him/her, it's not hard to get caught up in the moment, and it will be harder to let go again. You may have to have some contact in order to deal with the practical aspects of things like moving out, signing papers, etc., but try to limit this to what's absolutely necessary, and then keep such calls/meetings short and civil. -
(#4) Set Boundaries
It is important to set boundaries for yourself in the aftermath of a break up. If you're feeling tempted to call your ex, call a friend instead, or turn off your phone. Refrain from driving past their house, or frequenting places that the two of you used to go together. Be firm and clear with yourself about removing them from your life - that means no Facebook stalking, and no talking to mutual friends to "see how things are going." -
(#5) Stay Active
Exercise improves your mood and alleviates depression, and the distraction will help keep your mind off your situation. Go running outside, visit (or join) the gym, or just go for a walk. Move your body and clear your mind. -
(#6) Think Through Everything Thoroughly, but Not Obsessively
Go ahead and mull it over for as long as you need - within reason. Consider WHY you two broke up. Even though sometimes it can feel like the break up is happening for no reason, there probably is one. Understand that you enjoyed being together for a while, but if the relationship was not what both you and your partner wanted for life, it would have ended eventually, no matter what. -
(#7) Don't Romanticize the Situation
It's easy to get caught up in thinking about all the good times you had with your partner. Romanticizing your relationship, however, is just a way of convincing yourself that you can tolerate being in an unhealthy relationship. Do yourself a favor, and don't reminisce. Have confidence in your decision to move past this part of your life. -
(#8) Acknowledge What Went Wrong Appropriately
Placing unnecessary blame on yourself - or your partner - is unhealthy, and will not make you feel better in the long run. Accept responsibility for your mistakes, and move on. Dwelling on all the things you did wrong will just make you feel more down in the dumps. -
(#9) Give Yourself a Reality Check
Remind yourself often why you broke up with that person. The more quickly that person can become unattractive to you, the better. -
(#10) Find Happiness in Other Areas of Your Life
As Carol Joyce Oates once said, "The best revenge is living well without you." Find happiness in other areas of your life, such as your friendships, family, and work. Throw yourself into your passions, and remember that you're still the same person with or without a partner. -
(#11) Keep Yourself Busy
Occupy yourself with activities. Take a class, go for a jog, read a new book, or take on new projects at work. -
(#12) Deal With the Hate Phase
In this phase of the break up, your rage is limitless. You may feel that the other person has wasted your time, or wronged you in some way. Do your best to control any feelings of hate or anger that may pop up. Do not act on these feelings. Sending angry text messages, or yelling at your ex may feel good in the moment, but it will just make both of you feel awful later. If you need to vent, call a friend. -
(#13) Keep Your Dignity
Many times, it's our own ego that causes the pain - after a break up, it's normal to feel rejected, deceived, or embarrassed. We doubt our self-worth and adequacy. A break up, especially one in which your partner has cheated on you, can really undermine your self-confidence and shake your self-esteem to the core. Help rebuild your inner stability by impressing yourself with accomplishment - volunteer, take a class, do things that remind you of your value as a person. -
(#14) Keep an Open Mind
Patterns may become clearer, and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to understand valuable life lessons from the whole experience if you keep your mind open. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean it wasn't a necessary part of your journey. -
(#15) Understand Your Emotions
An emotion is a bit like someone knocking on your door to deliver a message. If you don't answer, it keeps knocking until you do open up. Opening the door to your feelings means learning to understand them. This can be hard, because heartbreak is complicated by other feelings: anger, fear and shame. -
(#16) Try to Remain Positive and Rational
It's a waste of time and energy to rip yourself apart over something you no longer have the power to change. There are so many positive things you can do with your emotions and energy. Although it may feel good to replace your feelings of love towards your ex with hate, it's an unhealthy way to live. Stay positive, and keep your energy focused on all of the good things you have going for you. -
(#17) Write Your Feelings Down
Write in a journal, on a blog, or on your computer. Try writing poetry or personal essays about your break up, or look online for different journaling prompts that can help you get started. The most important thing is to be absolutely honest and don't edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring it all out onto paper. -
(#18) Talk to Your Friends
Talking to your friends about the break up can be extremely cathartic, and will help you feel less lonely during this time. Listen to their advice, and accept the love and support that they are there to offer you. Everyone has been through something like this before, and most people are willing to help you out in your time of need. -
(#19) Let Go of the Negative Emotions
Understand that there is no benefit in holding on to heartache, regret, or hatred toward another person. Realize that although it is over, your relationship with that person was unique and special in a lot of ways. You can congratulate yourself for being brave enough to take a risk and fall in love, and encourage your heart that even though love didn't work out this time, there will be a next time. -
(#20) Crying All Night Is Okay
Always allow yourself to feel your feelings. If you need to cry, let it out. Do not text your ex or try to call him/her when you are sad. -
(#21) Remove Memory Triggers
There are all kinds of things that remind you of your ex - a song, a smell, a sound, a place. Once the grieving period has had some time to process, don't dwell on painful feelings or memories. There are probably things that are pushing your buttons without your conscious recognition. Try walking around each room in your house with a box and removing things that make your heart ache or your stomach turn. Really focus and look carefully. -
(#22) No Rebounds
Don't rush into a new relationship immediately after a break up. Although it might feel nice to be loved and validated by another person, it's just too soon. Feel free to start dating once your emotions have stabilized. Right after a break up, however, you're not going to be thinking or feeling very clearly, and it isn't fair to you or your new partner. -
(#23) Take a Look at Your Relationship From an Outsider's Perspective
Imagine that you are watching a movie of your life as a third party voyeur. Look at the angles of your break up as objectively as possible. Try to see things from the eyes of an onlooker, instead of from the heart of a participant. When you look at what happened objectively, it can be easier to see logically why things wouldn't have worked out. -
(#24) Accept the Pain
Accept that you will have to go through some pain. When you lose something that mattered to you, it is natural and important to feel sad about it; that feeling is an essential part of the healing process. -
(#25) Embrace a New World
Step into your new life as a happy, new you. The best part about starting over is that you have the opportunity to be whoever you want to be. -
(#26) Reframe Your Heartbreak
If you're having a hard time getting over the breakup, you may need to reframe the way you think about it. Instead of viewing the end of your relationship as a devastating loss, try thinking of it as a new opportunity. -
(#27) Stop Telling the Story.
After awhile, stop telling your friends about your break up story over and over again. It does not help to dwell on something that has already happened, and re-living the horrible details will not make you feel any less depressed. -
(#28) Show Your Smile
Fake it till you make it! Even if you're not feeling 100% jolly, keep smiling and laughing anyway. Eventually, you'll start to really feel the happiness, even if it takes some effort at first. -
(#29) Out With the Old, in With the New
A breakup can signify a new beginning. Therefore, cleaning and organizing your personal space will leave you feeling refreshed and prepared for the new things to come. A mess can be overwhelming and depressing, and will just add to your stress level. The added bonus is that keeping busy with tidying your space doesn't require a lot of brain power, but does require just enough focus to keep you from recycling pain. -
(#30) Start a New Life
Leave behind the old memories and begin a new chapter of your life. You'll always remember the good times, but that doesn't mean that you can't move on. -
(#31) Change How You See Your Ex
By changing how you represent your ex in your mind, you can greatly reduce or even eliminate your distress. Memory and imagination affect our feelings in the same way as reality does. -
(#32) Make a List of Reminders
One of the best tricks to help you stick to your resolve is to make a list of all the reasons your ex was not the one for you. Be ruthless and clear - this is not the time to be forgiving. Reference your list whenever you think about getting back together with your ex. -
(#33) Believe That You Will Find Love Again
The planet is home to over 6 billion people. Your ex is not the only person you will ever love. You will find love again - it may not happen immediately, but you WILL find someone who loves you even more than your ex did. -
(#34) Take a Break
A change of scenery will do you some good! Take a break from your ordinary life and go on an adventure. Visit a nearby town, or take a road trip. Jetset to another state or country, if you have the financial means. Go exploring outside your comfort zone. Break out of your routine and try something new. -
(#35) Try to Be More Logical Than Emotional
What would Spock do? Think with your brain rather than with your heart. Would you really want to get back together with that person, even if they wanted to? There's always a reason why you broke up in the first place - remember that. -
(#36) Write a Letter to Your Ex, but Do Not Send It
Sometimes, writing out what you would say to them if they were still a part of your life can help you feel better. It can be cathartic, and therapeutic, and can even help you move past those feelings that you may have left unsaid. Do not send this letter to your ex. It is an exercise for your eyes only, and there's no reason why they need to hear what you have to say in private. -
(#37) Plan a Girl's Night or a Guy's Night
Spend time with your closest friends doing things that will make you feel better. Try a relaxing spa day, playing video games, going to a karaoke bar, or staying in to watch movies with your friends. -
(#38) Change Your Habits
Rearrange your furniture. Throw away all the old pictures of you and your ex. Cut your hair. Make changes in your diet or exercise routine. Switch things up. -
(#39) Be Sensitive
Remember that your ex may be trying to get over you, as well. Be sensitive to that, and keep your distance. If you've decided to stop seeing one another, follow through with that plan. -
(#40) Change Your Thoughts
Transform your thought patterns by keeping things in a positive perspective. If you feel yourself going to a dark place, or missing your ex, do whatever it takes to lighten the mood. Put on some happy music, dance around your apartment, do what you need to do to shake the blues away. -
(#41) End on a High Note
Try to identify at least positive things that came out of your relationship. End the relationship on a high note. -
(#42) Have a Symbolic Ceremony
Have a formal bon voyage ceremony for the end of your relationship. Burn old pictures of your ex, donate the things they gave you to charity, and cleanse your home of their presence. Get rid of everything that reminds you of that person, and start over. -
(#43) Change How You See Your Past
Standing outside your memories and watching as if they were a movie helps you distance yourself from them. Start thinking of the past as a fond series of memories, but not as something that currently affects your life. -
(#44) Drink St. John's Wart Tea
Breaking up can take a toll on the body, as well as on the psyche. This rejuvenating tea helps heal the mind, body and spirit. Intense emotions surge powerful chemicals to the brain which can be physically exhausting. Anxiety and rejection cause dramatic changes to the brain’s level of dopamine, also known as the “feel good” neurotransmitter. Because breakups initiate a fight-or-flight response, the body often reacts with depression, anger and sadness. It may also cause a jolt of adrenaline to the body, which makes people irrational and hyper-sensitive. St. John’s Wart comes in both pill and tea form, and is said to return the brain to a neutral state and calm anxiety. -
(#45) Eat Dark Chocolate
Who doesn’t love chocolate? In moderation, dark chocolate has a positive effect on one’s sense of well-being and cognitive health. -
(#46) Join a Dating Website
Do this ONLY when you feel it’s time. Don’t rush it. Post your profile online and see what happens. You don’t have to go out on dates right away but it will be a great ego boost.
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About This Tool
There are many reasons for a breakup. Usually, this is no one should be blamed. But a relationship breakup can be tough no matter what the situation. It is normal to feel sad, angry, or disappointed after a breakup. Sometimes you need to take care of your health and mood first. At these times, it is necessary to take some measures to make it easier to get through that difficult period.
Trying to quickly overcome a breakup can take some patience, which requires some time, work, and support. The random tool lists 46 of the best ways to get over a breakup.
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