Random Best Cars for Post-Apocalyptic Wasteland (20 items)

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  (#1) MRAP

  Now that every podunk police force in the country has decided it needs a military surplus armored personnel carrier, you should be able to find these things parked anywhere there are two squad cars and a speed trap. Built to resist RPGs, IEDs, and SOBs of all kinds, this behemoth will instantly turn the tables on those guzzoline-raiding cannibal mutants. Which is a good thing, since you'll probably have to steal all their gas just to keep it running.

  Bonus: You'll probably also find a bunch of military surplus M-16s and grenade launchers inside, since Podunk, Nevada police apparently need those too. 
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  (#2) Hummer H1

  • Hummer

  If this isn't on your list, you've got no business in this mutant Nazi zombie cannibal chainsaw apocalypse. Go home, hippie. 
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  (#3) Jeep Cherokee XJ

  Of all the SUVs on Earth, only Jeep SUVs are Jeeps, and the XJ is almost indisputably the best of them. You probably won't have to look too far for a good example that's been modified and seen tons of off-road duty in the desert. The XJ is light, relatively easy on precious fuel, and it's got excellent visibility for picking off plague zombies in your blind spots. It's also got enough interior space to haul four other male survivors... or a single female survivor, a one-eared dog, and enough fuel to deliver all three of you to Canada.
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  (#4) Local Motors Rally Fighter

  If you had to sit through the last Transformers movie, you're probably thinking the world was about due for destruction anyway. Especially after watching a car literally punch a guy in the head. But you might have appreciated the rest of that scene, featuring as it did these beasts from Los Angeles-based Local Motors.

  The fact that it looks like it just pulled in from the harshest stretch of Fury Road is almost good enough in itself, but this LS7-powered monster is no silver screen poser. It is absolutely as bad as it looks, thanks in no small part to a mid-mounted 6.2-liter GM E-ROD engine. It's an LS-series V-8, so spare parts shouldn't be too hard to come by if you ditch it while hammering through the badlands. Not that that will matter, since the Rally Fighter is so tough, it would probably survive another nuclear holocaust. 
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  (#5) Caterpillar 797B

  Two words: Rolling. Fortress. If you haven't seen it before, meet the biggest truck in the world. With a curb weight of just a hair over 1.3 million pounds, a payload capacity of 690,000 pounds, and a towing capacity of "everything," the 797 is just the vehicle you need if your survival strategy involves relocating the remainder of humanity in a mobile castle and crushing everything in your way at 42 mph. You'll want the 797B model instead of the newer "F" model. It's got wider tires and an 1,800 diesel fuel tank - almost double the capacity of the "F." Which you'll probably need, seeing as how its fuel economy is best measured in barrels per mile.

  That said, the 797B does have a trick up its sleeve: it's a diesel-electric hybrid, which means you could hypothetically mount every solar cell in the world to it and never run out of juice. And you might as well load up with a half-million pounds of lithium-ion batteries while you're at it. You can find these trucks and those batteries around the Nevada-California border, where several large mines are conveniently located near Tesla's brand-new lithium battery manufacturing plant.  
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  (#6) Ford E250 Van

  Makes sense on the same basis that any big, four-wheel-drive SUV would, but it's much more comfortable if you can't find any burned out houses to sleep in. With the E250, you've got plenty of payload capacity for armor plating, space inside for an arsenal, and tons of solar panel room up top for that DVD player constantly looping Charlton Heston movies. With no windows to break or black out, as well as the ability to hide out in the woods forever, you can rest assured nobody will ever pry your guns from your cold, dead hands. 
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  (#7) Old Chevy C/K Pickup

  Of course an old pickup truck would be a solid choice. At the very least, it's a stable firing platform for a big gun mounted to the roof. But look for a Chevy with a small block, since it shares parts with any of a million other vehicles you might find scattered along the way. It might be a good idea to stick with 1987 and earlier models, since anything newer is bound to have electronic fuel injection. Not a deal-breaker, but no sense worrying about a TPS sensor going out while you're being chased by hordes of face-eating mutant cannibals. 
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  (#8) Mitsubishi Montero

  It might not get a lot of brand recognition in desolate hellscape that is now your life, but the Montero (aka "Pajero") definitely got props on in the Paris-Dakar Rally. These Japanese SUVs utterly dominated the world's most brutal race for more than a decade, thanks mostly to the fact that they're pretty much Evos with more ground clearance and a bigger trunk. No, they're not quite that sick in stock form, but the bones are there. You can at least trust that when you go off-road to hunt 300-pound mutant rats for dinner, you won't get stuck or break down on the way back.
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  (#9) Track T-800CDI

  For lone wolves, this bike just has everything going for it. First, it's an Enduro bike that already looks like it came right off the set of a Terminator movie. So you'll already be in the right frame of mind if it turns out Skynet took over after the radiation spread, and the Machines are running the show. More importantly, this Mercedes-developed bike uses a common-rail diesel engine, which means it should get 100-plus miles to the gallon of almost anything that burns. In practical terms, that means you don't even need to fight for diesel - you can just stop into any abandoned fast food restaurant and fuel up with old french fry grease. 
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  (#10) 1990 or Earlier Oldsmobile Custom Cruiser

  There had to be a station wagon on this list somewhere. What would post-apocalyptic irony be without at least one? Certainly, the Olds Custom Cruiser isn't the single greatest wagon ever built... though it is pretty awesome relative to the utter annihilation of everything you've ever known or loved. It sits on the ancient and indestructible B-Body platform, so even if it does break down, spare parts are everywhere. This Olds also holds the dubious honor of being the last carbureted car ever sold in America, meaning it's the newest stock option you've got if you don't want fuel injection.
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  (#11) Jeep Wrangler Staff Car

  It's a new Jeep Wrangler, which is pretty good news. If you find one done up like this "Staff Car" concept, you should find its open doorways ideal for sweeping an M60 through lines of oncoming zombies. The Staff Car's excellent accessibility should also help with those quick shopping trips, allowing you to pick up groceries and get moving again before blood-spewing monsters catch your scent and eat your head.  
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  (#12) 1980s Chevrolet El Camino

  GM G-Body cars like the Regal, Cutlass, and Monte Carlo were some of the last true body-on-frame rear-drive musclecars. They're ubiquitous, easy to fix, and nigh-on indestructible. A Monte would be a could choice, since it's likely to have a small-block V-8, but so does an El Camino. It's essentially just a Monte Carlo with a bed on the back. That gives you more room to haul supplies and spares, and you can fire a shotgun at pursuers through the rear window without wasting buckshot hitting your own trunk. 
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  (#13) Fox Body Mustang

  Sure, a new Mustang might be faster, but old five-ohs are just bullet-proof. All right, not literally -- so don't count on it to save you from bands of Mauser-wielding atomic Nazis. But it's a tough car, shares parts with almost every other Ford from the era, and it's simple enough to fix with a hammer. Even fuel-injected Foxes used some of the simplest and most fool-proof EFI systems ever made; practically every "plug and play" aftermarket EFI setup today is based on the five-oh's mass-air/multipoint system. So, this 'Stang has the giddy-up that won't let you down when it counts. 
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  (#14) Range Rover Supercharged

  There are all kinds of ways to survive the apocalypse. Maybe you're the guy running from the bands of mutant cannibals... or maybe you're running one. If so, you're going to need something a bit more prestigious than a beat up old Ford Explorer. Come on, let's be real: You're not rocking that sick hockey mask and chainsaw arm because you don't have style. A Supercharged Range Rover won't just win you prestige points in the mutant cannibal community... its 12.9-second quarter-mile time and 165 mph top speed will definitely come in handy for catching that next meal on the run. 
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  (#15) Mitsubishi Evo IX

  If you have to think this one over too hard, enjoy getting eaten by zombies. 
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  (#16) Tesla Model X

  • Tesla

  The new Tesla Model X is all electric, which might seem like a bad thing in the wasteland. Think about it, though: you've got a huge roof, a trailer hitch, and access to all the free solar panels on the continent. If you can find just a bit of time to plan ahead before the mutants show up, you could put together an SUV/flatbed-trailer combo that will run forever on nothing but sunlight. Of which you should have plenty in the average wasteland.

  The fact that the Model X is also stupid fast and can haul half a dozen other survivors may prove helpful, too. Especially since those huge rear "falconwing" doors seem almost tailor-made for door gunners. Paint the Model X green, and you've pretty much got a Huey with the speed of an Apache and infinite fuel, to boot. 
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  (#17) McLaren P1

  This one's not quite as crazy as it sounds. Think about it: The P1 is a plug-in hybrid, which means it gets 34 mpg in steady cruising and does even better with an electric charge. Of course, being a hybrid, solar power is always an option if the undead hordes do steal all of your guzzoline, and zombies are ironically eating hipster brains around the nearest supercharger station. The P1's got magnetic suspension that can immediately adapt to any road surface, whether it's post-apocalyptic or even as bad as Detroit today. And if you let the chainsaw-arm Nazi zombies catch you in this thing, you deserve to get eaten.  
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  (#18) Porsche Cayenne S E-Hybrid

  The Porsche Cayenne is the Tesla Model X's most direct competitor right now, and offers a lot of the same advantages in terms of versatility, plug-in/solar capability, and off-road prowess. But unlike the Tesla, it's a hybrid, so you can still run on gas if you manage to find any that hasn't gone bad. Even when all the gas in the world goes flat, you're still not completely out of luck. The Cayenne is a flex-fuel vehicle, so theoretically you could make your own fuel with liquor still in the trunk. That might also work out doubly well if you've become a raging alcoholic after dealing with the end of the world.
  
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  (#19) Dodge Viper GTS

  No, it's not the most practical choice in any way, but who cares? Odds are good you've gone completely insane by now anyway, and you're probably about ready for that last kamikaze charge into the sweet release of death. Can you really think of a better car to do it in?
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  (#20) Chevrolet Volt

  • General Motors, Chevrolet

  Everyone else can scream and fight over guzzoline - you're going to need a lot less of it if you're smart enough to grab a Chevy Volt. First, because it's a serious hybrid that's going to return 70 to 80 mpg no matter how you drive it. And second, it's a plug-in with a huge battery pack. That means you can mount solar panels on the roof and hood, then never have to worry about running on empty. Granted, you might be moving slowly, but the Volt's still got enough juice to get you out of trouble when the need arises. 

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