Random Worst G.I. Joe Vehicles (23 items)

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  (#1) COASTAL DEFENDER

  If a wooden crate that opens up isn't lame enough, when this thing is fully deployed it looks like a lawn chair on a tiny porch. Hey! Now grandpa can join in the battle (just don't spill his Tom Collins).
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  (#2) G.I. JOE ATV

  You know that jerk in your neighborhood that tools around on that ridiculously small motorcycle? Well G.I. Joe did it first! Also, how is that Cobra soldier missing that guy at point blank!?
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  (#3) SEPTIC TANK

  This is a poop box. A septic tank is basically a box. A box for poop.
  
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  (#4) COBRA POGO BALLISTIC BATTLE BALL

  This thing had to be an elaborate Cobra distraction. You know, lob yourself in the air like a fly ball and give Joe something to shoot at while you bring in the heavy artillery.
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  (#5) AIR SKIFF

  Nothing says "easy target" like an tiny, unprotected air boat skidding around the water's sruface. Cobra made it an even easier target by painting it teal and yellow.
  
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  (#6) BUZZ BOAR

  You think this looks cool until you realize its a Kamikaze vehicle for the Cobra grunt with nothing else to lose. How else is that giant sawblade going to do any damage unless it rolls right into G.I. Joe's base and eventually falls on one side.
  
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  (#7) BATTLE COPTER

  "Okay, so you know what a helicopter looks like"

  "Yeah?"

  "Well, we took off all the protection, weapons, and seats..."

  "...Yeah?"

  "And we are going to strap you to it and make you hold a machine gun"

  "You guys don't like me, do you?"
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  (#8) COBRA JET PACK

  How does this thing take off? How does it land? Judging by the expression on this guy's face, he won't be taking a Fanta from Cobra Commander's private mini fridge anytime soon. 
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  (#9) INVADER

  When Cobra took their battle with the Joes to outer space, they enlisted the Invader. Really, it was to the benefit of G.I. Joe since this is a lunar lander with a glass dome and four, inactive missiles lining the hub. 
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  (#10) RADAR RAT

  Remember how your older brother got that awesome HISS Tank and Stinger? Well you get to have the go-kart with all the radar dishes attached! Have fun parking this guy and imagining that you're searching for a clear frequency. 
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  (#11) AIR CHARIOT

  Nothing says "bad with money' like a golden cobra-shaped air chariot for your supreme leader to fly around on. You wouldn't catch Cobra Commander on something like this is all we are saying. 
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  (#12) ARCTIC BLAST

  What poor Joe pulled the short straw to end up driving in Arctic conditions with only a roll bar to cut the cold and absolutely no protection from laser blasts?
  
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  (#13) SWAMPMASHER

  So much is wrong here. First, why are those tires purple? Why are there eight more tires than are realistically required? Why does the swamp need 'mashing'? 
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  (#14) BUGG

  So many open glass canopies just ripe for a shattering from a well placed laser beam! Seriously, how did Cobra think that making something this big with that much glass was a good idea?
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  (#15) DINO-HUNTER

  By the time Jurassic Park became a huge hit, G.I. Joe had pretty much stuck a missile on every vehicle known to man. So, it only madessense that the good guys would go out (somewhere) and bag themselves an oversized bu otherwise innocent reptile. 
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  (#16) GENERAL

  Oh, you guys weren't even trying this Christmas season were you? That's just a collection of leftover vehicles mashed together isn't it?
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  (#17) MOBILE COMMAND CENTER

  When you first see this thing you think "Cool, the Joes stole a Sandcrawler from the Jawas in Star Wars." Then you look a little closer and realize that its the militarized version of the cardboard box your mom stuck all your toys in and left in the basement. 
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  (#18) R.P.V.

  R.P.V stands for Remote Piloted Vehicle.  So what exactly is that pilot doing in that seat? Also, this thing only has one shot and then it slowly wheels itself back. 
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  (#19) MANTA-RAY

  How did someone bring this stubby vessel up in a meeting and not get laughed out of the room? The Manta-Ray looks more like a manatee, after all. Since it was near the end of the toy line when the Manta-Ray was released, the lime green speed boat was probably more of a retirement gift than tactical decision. 
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  (#20) PYTHON PATROL STUN

  Now this thing is tacky even for Cobra. Purple reptile paint job? A little too on the nose, guys. 
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  (#21) HOVERCRAFT

  There aren't many vehicles as slow and unreliable as a hovercraft. Good thing this guy is bringing up the rear, because one stray laser blast would pop that thing, leaving him immobile.
  
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  (#22) Earthquake

  When you have militarized every type of plane, jeep, tank, and boat known to mankind, your next step is definitely a bulldozer. But did you really have to paint it lime green and magenta? 
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  (#23) OUTPOST DEFENDER

  It's pretty fair to say G.I. Joe never went for subtlety. Every playset or vechicle was strapped with a few extra missiles and propellers and, what the hell, how about a purple and orange paint job?! So what's the deal with the tin roofed shack? The big accessories? Sandbags. Was there no more money in the budget?

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