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(#1) Existence
Morty: Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. We're all going to die. Come watch TV.
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(#2) Rick's View on Love
Rick: Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you but what people call "love" is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science
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(#3) Weddings
Rick: Weddings are basically funerals with cake.
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(#4) Glip Glops
Rick: It's like the N word and the C word had a baby and it was raised by all the bad words for Jews.
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(#5) Grandpa's Favorite
Rick: All right, all right, cool it! I see what's happening here. You're both young, you're both unsure about your place in the universe, and you both want to be Grandpa's favorite. I can fix this. Morty, sit here. Summer, you sit here. Now, listen—I know the two of you are very different from each other in a lot of ways, but you have to understand that as far as Grandpa's concerned, you're both pieces of sh*t! Yeah. I can prove it mathematically. Actually, l-l-let me grab my whiteboard. This has been a long time coming, anyways.
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(#6) Hitler Cured Cancer
Rick: What about the reality where Hitler cured cancer, Morty? The answer is: Don't think about it.
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(#7) Would Rather Die
Dr. Wong: Why didn't you want to come here?
Pickle Rick: Because I don't respect therapy. Because I'm a scientist. Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living, and when I don't like something about the world, I change it. And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall to listen to some agent of averageness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything. I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind [belch] we value in the animals we eat, but not something I want for myself. I'm not a cow. I'm a pickle. When I feel like it. So... you asked.
Dr. Wong: Rick, the only connection between your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness destroying your family is that everyone in your family, you included, use intelligence to justify sickness. You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse. And I think it's because the only truly unapproachable concept for you is that it's your mind within your control. You chose to come here, you chose to talk to belittle my vocation, just as you chose to become a pickle. You are the master of your universe - and yet you are dripping with rat blood and feces, your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand. I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my a**. Because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is it's not an adventure. There's no way to do it so wrong you might die. It's just work. And the bottom line is, some people are okay going to work, and some people... well, some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose.
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(#8) Your Whole Life Ahead of You
Rick: You're young, you have your whole life ahead of you, and your anal cavity is still taut yet malleable.
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(#9) Pop-Tarts
Morty: I mean, why would a Pop-Tart want to live inside a toaster, Rick? I mean, that would be like the scariest place for them to live. You know what I mean?
Rick: You're missing the point Morty. Why would he drive a smaller toaster with wheels? I mean, does your car look like a smaller version of your house? No.
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(#10) Just Killed My Family
Morty: I just killed my family! I don’t care who they were!
Rick: I dunno, some people would pay top dollar for that kind of breakthrough.
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(#11) Common Denominator
Mr. Goldenfold: Now who can tell me the common denominator of these two fractions? You don't know or you're just bored?
Morty: Hey listen, you know, if we're all bored over here, wouldn't the common denominator be you?
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(#12) Pickle Rick
Rick: I turned myself into a pickle. I'm Pickle Riiiiick.
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(#13) Shotgun Penis
Jerry: I wish that shotgun was my penis.
Beth: If it was, you could call me Ernest Hemingway.
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(#14) Who Breaks First
Cornvelious Daniel: It's arousal. Yes, I'd like very much to visit the memory of you inventing your portal gun.
Rick: Yeah, well, tough titties.
Cornvelious Daniel: There's no tougher titty than a psychotic break, Rick.
Rick: Well, that depends on who breaks first—me or the titty.
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(#15) Nobody Gets Me
Rick: Don't do it guys! The casualties would be in the brazillions. Cause you're Brazilian? It's a threat and a pun! Nobody gets me.
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(#16) Ninety Seven More Years
Rick: And they'll take my side because I'm a hero, Morty! And now you're gonna have to go and do whatever I say, Morty! Forever! And I'll-- I'll go out and I'll find some more of that Mulan Szechuan teriyaki dipping sauce, Morty!
Morty: What are you talking about?
Rick: Because that's-- that's what this is all about, Morty!
Morty: "Szechuan"?
Rick: That's my one-armed man! I'm not driven by avenging my dead family, Morty - that was fake! I-I-I'm driven by finding that McNugget sauce!
Morty: "Nuggets"?
Rick: I want that Mulan McNugget sauce, Morty! That's my series arc, Morty!
Morty: What the hell?!
Rick: If it takes nine seasons! I want my McNugget dipping sauce, Szechuan sauce, Morty!
Morty: What are you talking about, Rick?!
Rick: That's what's gonna take us all the way to the end, Morty!
Morty: What are you talking about?!
Rick: Season-- Nine more seasons, Morty! Nine more seasons until I get that dipping Szechuan sauce!
Morty: What is that?!
Rick: For 97 more years, Morty!
Morty: What are you talking about?!
Rick: I want that McNugget sauce, Morty!
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(#17) Hot Girls
Beth: He's not a hot girl. He can't just bail on his life and set up shop in someone else's.
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(#18) Like In Saw
Morty: Rick, is this a Saw thing? Are you seriously Sawing the Vindicators?
Rick: Morty, I'm a drunk, not a hack.
Drunk Rick: If you break the rules, lose the game or try to leave, you will die... like in Saaaaw...
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(#19) Kennedy Sex Tunnels
President: Here's the adventure: some kind of alien goo-ga has infested the Kennedy Sex Tunnels. I want it hunted down and taken out.
Morty: "Kennedy Sex Tunnels"?
President: Naturally you'll forget you saw them, along with, in order of national embarrassment: the Truman Cocaine Lounge, the McKinley Hooker Dump, and the Lincoln Slave Colosseum. He didn't free them all. And let me know when you're done.
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(#20) Monument to Compromise
Rick: Those guys are inside you building a piece of sh*t Ethan!! They're inside you building a monument to compromise!! F*ck them. F*ck those people. F*ck this whole thing Ethan.
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(#21) Gaslighting
Morty: Gaslighting doesn’t exist, you made it up because you’re f****** crazy.
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(#22) I'm Getting Annoyed
Morty: How many of these are just horrible mistakes I made? I mean, maybe I'd stop making so many if I let myself learn from them.
Rick: Don't break your back creating a lesson, Morty. It's a free-form anthology. I'm getting annoyed you're not hearing that.
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(#23) Cronenberged Up the Whole Place
Rick: Wow, I really Cronenberged up the whole place, huh Morty? Just a bunch a Cronenbergs walkin' around.
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(#24) Your Own Person
Stacy: Should I go?
Morty: You're your own person, Stacy.
Stacy: Then I'd like to stay.
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