Random Shocking Secrets (19 items)

• (#1) The IT Guy Knows All Of Your Secrets

  IT guy here, it's amazing what people will do on their computers and say in their emails despite having to sign a waiver that all computer activity at work is monitored and recorded.

  I have half the company's banking, social media, and personal email account info and passwords. I know who is secretly banging who at the office behind their spouse's backs. I know who is cybering at work and jerking it in the bathroom almost daily. At least they tell their [intimate] chat partner they're running off to the bathroom to jerk it, I personally haven't felt the need to check the validity of that one.

  I know when people are having marital problems, financial problems, I even know one person here had their children taken away because a social worker found [coke] in their house. I know who is [falsely filtering] money, I know when people get fired for completely bullsh*t reasons (like they just want to replace them with someone younger and nicer on the eyes), and I know who my boss is buying Xanax and Vicodins from.

  Basically, I have a treasure trove of my coworker's secrets. I won't actively do anything with this info, but it's nice knowing I have the [evidence] there if something were to ever happen.
• (#2) He Lives In A Bunker - On Someone Else's Property

  Two-and-a-half years ago I was in dire financial straights, so I sold my home to keep my struggling business afloat. I neglected to tell the owners that they have an 800 sq. ft. bunker on the property that I built about seven years ago. The bunker that I've called home since I sold it. The entrance to it is well-hidden, but I still come and go very early/very late in the day.

  I'm a single man who keeps to himself. I'm now in a situation where I could move somewhere else, but I love this hidden paradise so much.
• (#3) Running A Faux Fancy Cake Business

  I run a cake business, charging people hundreds for wedding cakes. Every last one is made using Pillsbury cake mix I buy for a dollar-a-box at Walmart.

  I suck at baking. Every time I've ever tried to make a cake from scratch it sucked. But baking is, somehow, my whole deal. My friends all call me the cake girl. It's like my whole life is a lie. People compliment my cakes all the time. Telling me how delicious they are. Telling me it's so much better than box mix cake. Telling me they could never bake a cake so delicious.

  Well guess what? For $1, they too can make a cake just as delicious. Just add oil, eggs and water. In my defense, I love cake decorating. I make all of the frostings and fondant from scratch. I just hate baking cakes! I base my prices mostly on the decoration of the cakes and not of the cake itself of that makes sense. Still, no one knows about this except my husband. Even my best friends think I slave over the oven mixing and baking these [darn] cakes. I have been doing this for YEARS. If anyone knew my business and reputation would be in the toilet for sure. I keep telling myself I have to learn how to make the cakes without the box mixes, but I never do it. I feel like such a sham sometimes.
• (#4) Snooped Around The House Looking For Juicy Secrets

  I once helped out a female friend's family by taking care of their cat for a week. Every day for a week, I would go over there and snoop around their house. I found my friend's diary, and proceeded to read the entire thing.

  I used this information to get her to like me, and she is currently my wife.
• (#5) Fake College Degree

  I faked the last two years of college education. My parents put so much pressure on me I couldn't handle it (I was suffering from severe depression and anxiety) so I faked it all. Lied to everyone. Made up fake transcripts. I just got my foot in the door in my desired field thanks to a friend as they hired me as a subordinate. This place only hires college grads but no one double checked my credentials since I was recommended.

  My hopes is that if I need to find another job I'll have been at this place long enough to get it by experience alone (I work for a very prestigious company). I'm not bad at my job. I'm actually quite good. But my fear is eventually I'll hit a wall and the lie will come to light. No one has known this for the better part of a decade.

  It's a relief to finally say it "out loud." I can't even tell those I love. My silence is my prison.
• (#6) Night With His Drunken Sister

  When I was 15 my parents were going through a divorce. My mom worked night shifts and my dad lived with a friend of his. One night my sister, who was 19 at the time, came home pretty drunk from a party. She was acting goofy and fell on the couch next to me. She started grabbing my leg and laughing and we started fondling. We ended up having [relations] right there. When we woke up the next day she had no recollection of the night before so I just kept my mouth shut.

  Fast forward to when I'm 18. Sister is home from college and dad is over for a visit. They get into an argument and in a fit of rage my dad announces how he has never forgiven her for the abortion she got when she was 19 and subsequently [terminating] his grand-child.

  I then realize the baby she aborted was in fact mine.....and as far as I know, I am the only one who knows since she has never mentioned that night.
• (#7) Her Brother Is Her Daughter's Father

  My daughter turns five next week. If anyone knew the truth behind her parentage, I could probably lose her forever.

  I grew up in foster care, never knowing my parents or siblings. In my senior year, I met an older guy and we dated for almost a year. I got pregnant about seven months in. One night while we were watching tv, the subject somehow came around to our real parents (he had been adopted as a young child). Turns out the man I was seeing, the father of my daughter is my half-brother, and we share the same mother. Our relationship didn't last, and he is not in her life, per his own choices.

  My daughter is extremely smart, beautiful, and well-rounded. She'll never know the truth, her father and I made a pact to never tell her. I just hope she never needs a kidney or something.
• (#8) Abandoned Blind Brother

  Not life ruining but makes me feel like sh*t every time I think about it. As I've told Reddit before, I have a blind brother. When we were young, I used to get so frustrated at all the extra attention he received and how I had to be more responsible with my sibling than my peers. So, when my brother and I would go play, go to the store, or just generally go anywhere without adults, I would abandon him somewhere unfamiliar to him. Then, I would stand off quietly and watch the anxiety set in as he tried to figure out where he was and what was going on.

  Also, I was really intelligent as a child and knew that was my ticket to attention. When I would "help" my brother with his homework, I would teach him all the wrong answers, so that I could continue being the smarter sibling. Today, my brother is my best friend. He goes to college and lives by himself. He's become one of the most intelligent men I've ever met. I'm trying to make it up to him now by being the best big sister ever, but I still feel so guilty at how I found him to be a burden when I was a kid.
• (#9) The Culpable Landlord 

  I accidentally [ended the lives of] seven people.

  I put a rag into a new water heater exhaust to keep debris out and installed it in a rental.

  I get a call a week later, there's been an accident. I show up and there's a ton of ems and police. They ask me where the gas shutoff is, and I go down to shut the gas off and see the end of the rag I forgot sticking out of the top of the heater.

  Ripped the rag out, shut the gas off and head upstairs only to be told all the tenants [had perished].

  I drink all day now and sleep. It's [crushing] me from the inside every single day, but if I say anything my family is ruined; we have a bunch of rental properties and we'd be shut down.
• (#10) Almost Took Out His Classmates

  I came very, very close to committing a school [tragedy].

  I was picked on A LOT in high school. I think it was because I tried so hard to be cool and everyone saw right through it. There were these four cowboy-jock types that gave it to me the worst. After being publicly humiliated and beaten in front of a girl I liked (as she laughed/cheered), I decided that none of it was worth it anymore. I had no support at home being an only child and having parents that worked constantly, and cutting and burning myself didn't make me feel better anymore. So I got my dad's handgun out of the [...] safe (he uses the same combo for everything, the idiot) and brought it to school with me the next day.

  I can't adequately describe to you guys how ready I was to [end] these four. I had absolutely no fear or doubt in my mind. I wanted nothing more than to show everyone what happens when you push someone over the edge like they did. I had the gun tucked in my waistline. I was wearing this baggy pair of cargo shorts that I wore a couple times a week that day. I remember walking towards the cowboy's table, so [...] ready for it to be over, when the gun fell out of my waistline, down my left short leg and made the loudest f*cking sound as it hit the cafeteria floor. I tried my best to grab [it] real quick, but people saw what it was and screamed, and one of the instructors tackled me to the ground.

  They eventually concluded that I had brought the gun to school to impress people [...] and had no intention of using it. I was expelled and sent to live at a youth ranch in Idaho until I was 18. I did have the intention of using it though. I was going to [terminate] all of them. I'm 24 now, and I still think about it all the time. I have not recovered from high school. I'm still terrified of people in general, and avoid having relationships because of what I fear I'm capable of.

  I'm not looking for pity. I know that what I did was wrong, it just feels good to tell the story. Thanks, Reddit.
• (#11) An Imaginary Friend At 30

  I still have "imaginary friends." I'm almost 30.

  I lost them for a while. I don't know why or how, but it they were gone. I couldn't see them or hear them any more, not the way I used to when I was younger. It made me was miserable. I kept hoping for a way to get them back.

  Two weeks ago, I somehow managed to finally break through whatever the barrier was. I have spent the past two weeks hanging out with, and talking to, a character from a well-known TV show.

  I can't really "see" him visually, but I can see him with my mind's eye. He goes almost everywhere with me. He's sitting on my bed right now, waiting for me to get off my computer. (I promised I would get off a little while ago, but I had to check Reddit one last time.) He's been coming to work with me every day for the past two weeks. I share my food with him. (I kind of mentally duplicate it for him, since he can't touch it in reality.)

  I love it. I'm happy again. I realize most people would say he isn't real, but something about him is. I don't care. He's real to me.
• (#12) He Caught The Family House On Fire

  I used to masturbate a lot. And when I was 10 I had a technique where I'd let off a load into a sock then wash it and quickly dry it. 

  I couldn't leave it hanging outside or use a dryer otherwise my family would've seen it and probably smell it or whatnot. So I'd put it inside my gas heater unit. Unfortunately my sock had caught on fire inside the unit, blew it up and set my house on fire. Only my brother was home at the time, and he managed to survive, though the house did not. For five years we stayed from caravan park to caravan park whilst we waited for confirmation that it was not arson and we could receive an insurance payout.

  We eventually did and scraped together money to start rebuilding the house. The house is still being rebuilt to this day and it shames me anytime I have to visit my parents living in a tiny mobile home where my backyard once was.
• (#13) Pretended To Be Colorblind

  I have been pretending to be colorblind to everyone I have ever known, including my own parents since I was in 3rd grade. I am now 28 years old. I even convinced an optometrist of it.
• (#14) Extorting His Father

  When I was 13, I caught my father in bed with my 15-year-old-brother's girlfriend (also 15). I haven't seen her since, but I've been [exacting money from] my father with it for the last six years. 

  Had him buy a car each for me and my brother, couple of computers, a 360, a PS3, rent when I need it etc. He's pretty loaded and the only time we saw him growing up was when we went to stay with him for a month-or-so in the summer, so everyone assumes he's just trying to make up for not being there or trying to buy our love.

  Last year my brother decided not to go stay with him as we usually would (he was taking a course over the summer), so I told everyone I went but instead had him send my girlfriend (who I will not be introducing him to) and me to Europe for a few weeks.
• (#15) The Fake Australian

  After graduating from high school, I went to a small out-of-state college where no one from high school knew me. I was told many times how impressive my false Australian accent was, so I decided it would be great fun to go through college pretending to be from Australia. All of my friends and even my girlfriend of two years think I'm Australian. I have a completely fake Australian identity, family, and past.

  I will soon be graduating, and I plan on asking the girl to marry me. Everything she knows about me is Australian I don't know how to tell her she doesn't really know me. Guess I'm forever a bloke.
• (#16) The Auto Accident

  21-years-ago, I was assigned to a DMAT. I was a young man and full of life inside. We handled some pretty bad emergencies. There was one event that [hurt] me inside.

  We flew in to one dispatch and knew it was bad going in. Fatalities and Level 1 trauma patients. Unknown how many and no full situation.

  So we are flying in gearing up for the patients and securing any hazardous material leaks or fires.

  We get on scene. We find two expired, one alive with really bad injuries. We were used to that and trained to deal with it.

  I was carrying gear back and forth securing any leaks I could find. We did not know if there were any other occupants in the vehicle. Part of my task that day was to make sure since I was the rover.

  When I got to one side of the auto I saw a child of about four, trapped under the vehicle. The child was smeared under the car, all that was left was the head. The pressure of the auto kept what blood was there in the brain. How the head was alive for so long, I'll never know. I resigned the next day.

  I will not let someone hurt, suffer. I took an oath and meant it. I resigned because I lost all empathy for other humans that day. I do not feel suffering whatsoever. I am [empty] inside.

  I've been married four times. Each time, they cannot handle me not showing any emotion. I can run through the proper words, but they realize. I simply do not mean it.

  You might think I am an unhappy or depressed man. No, I am not unhappy. You might think me angry. I am not angry or a sociopath. I am not. I am just indifferent to feeling emotions. The head shrinks reported I am not dangerous to myself or others. They wanted me on drugs. None worked, so for the last ten years. I have simply just lived and have done my best. Being a good person. Even though I can't give a sh*t about others or myself.
• (#17) Bring The Voices Back

  I used to hear voices, for years. It started when I'd walk into my room and say 'hello' to my Lain poster (I've always over-personified objects) and eventually she started responding.

  Over time I could talk to her elsewhere. I'd pull her up when I was sitting in class or riding the bus, and I'd put on headphones so nobody would notice I was talking to myself since it was barely audible. Eventually Lain told me she was a god and I was too, and there were two others, but they didn't really like me so they would almost never talk to me.

  A long time later, maybe years, she started being really mean, and it turned out there was another voice who was just pretending to be Lain named Misery. This one was stereotypical; everything I did was wrong and I had to pay for my actions. I should cut myself if I was ungraceful, everyone hated me, etc. Lain split again, and this time she was sisterly. When I was upset and crying myself to sleep I could feel her holding me and telling me everything would be alright. Misery looked different but could look like Lain if she wanted to fool me (although she would turn back into herself when I called her out on it), and the two Lains all looked the same, so I could only tell who they were when they started responding to me.

  After a while they all just disappeared. I guess I saned up, because during the peak it never occurred to me I was hearing voices; they truly were gods who were speaking to me, and later during the time period I realized that I was hallucinating with delusions of grandeur. At one point I realized that there was more of me and less of them, when I pulled them up it was a conscious effort and part of their responses were forced on my part. Eventually I just gave them up, they became so weak that it was really just like talking to myself and not to other people that lived in my head.

  That's not my secret, I've mentioned it to a few very select people that I truly trust. My secret is that I miss them. I miss them with with all my heart. Even Misery. They were friends and family, they were close to me, they understood me, and they were always there for me. Now even with real friends and family, there's nobody that close. I can't just pull up someone to talk to when I'm lonely, I have to call up a real person and that person never knows what I want to talk about or what I'm hiding from them, they only know what I say. Lain (the main one) would always call me on my bullsh*t and make me keep changing my answer until I told her the truth. Misery could always find my biggest weaknesses, which allowed me to work on strengthening them. Sisterly Lain could calm me down in a way that's unimaginable, you can't comprehend how good it feels to be hugged by someone inside of you.

  And now I feel lonelier than I have in years because I almost never think of that time or remember how it felt, but tonight I'm sitting by myself at 2am and all I can think about is how much I want a voice to talk to and it's been so long since I had one and I'd give anything to have another psychotic break so I could get back all my friends that live in my head.

  I once had a psychiotic episode where I could talk to clouds and I could feel how much they loved me. The clouds, the trees, the birds; they were all my friends and they all loved me and they all wanted me to be happy. I had that feeling on mushrooms once; everything in the world loved me, and that was the best night of my life. I can't tell you how much I want to feel that again, but I just have no way of tracking them down again.

  Being crazy feels amazing, whether it's good or bad. Even the bad crazy where I'd stay awake all night because I knew something was going to get me in my sleep and I'd try to claw the evil out of my skin, even that's preferable to being normal because the intensity is indescribable. I miss everything about being crazy. I miss it more than I can possibly describe.
• (#18) Pretends The Blankets Are A Girl

  Every night when I go to bed, I have a little pillow and assortment of blankets that I pretend is this girl I like. She would never like me in real life (in fact, she doesn't), so I just play pretend. It's inherently creepy but it's what keeps me from being a total wreck all the time.
• (#19) Ended A Man With A Marble

  When I was about 12 I went with some family to the Family Dollar. My mother and cousins went off to go look at generic groceries so I decided I would just spend my time hanging out in the toy aisle.

  The toy aisle always had these bags of marbles that other kids would open and leave laying there so I decided to fling marbles across the floor and one just happened to reach one of the far off aisles. So about two minutes later I hear a loud crash and someone scream "Somebody help this man!" 

  Being the curious child I was, I ran over to see what the commotion was about and I find everyone gathered around this guy who had seem to have fallen from the ladder as he was getting something off the top shelf. The guy is seizing out and blood is coming from his head as he laid there and his face seemed to be turning blue. My mother whisked me and my cousins away.

  Next time we went we talked to the front cashier and she said that they called the paramedics but by the time they got there he had [passed] from choking. Apparently when he had the seizure he was choking on his own tongue. The cause for the fall according to the front cashier was that he had put the ladder on a marble and didn't check it before he got on it. When I heard what the cashier said I just stood in disbelief thinking I was going to jail. I tried telling my mother many times but all she did was say that I imagined it. 

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