Random Shocking Secrets (19 items)

• (#3) Running A Faux Fancy Cake Business

  I run a cake business, charging people hundreds for wedding cakes. Every last one is made using Pillsbury cake mix I buy for a dollar-a-box at Walmart.

  I suck at baking. Every time I've ever tried to make a cake from scratch it sucked. But baking is, somehow, my whole deal. My friends all call me the cake girl. It's like my whole life is a lie. People compliment my cakes all the time. Telling me how delicious they are. Telling me it's so much better than box mix cake. Telling me they could never bake a cake so delicious.

  Well guess what? For $1, they too can make a cake just as delicious. Just add oil, eggs and water. In my defense, I love cake decorating. I make all of the frostings and fondant from scratch. I just hate baking cakes! I base my prices mostly on the decoration of the cakes and not of the cake itself of that makes sense. Still, no one knows about this except my husband. Even my best friends think I slave over the oven mixing and baking these [darn] cakes. I have been doing this for YEARS. If anyone knew my business and reputation would be in the toilet for sure. I keep telling myself I have to learn how to make the cakes without the box mixes, but I never do it. I feel like such a sham sometimes.
• (#15) The Fake Australian

  After graduating from high school, I went to a small out-of-state college where no one from high school knew me. I was told many times how impressive my false Australian accent was, so I decided it would be great fun to go through college pretending to be from Australia. All of my friends and even my girlfriend of two years think I'm Australian. I have a completely fake Australian identity, family, and past.

  I will soon be graduating, and I plan on asking the girl to marry me. Everything she knows about me is Australian I don't know how to tell her she doesn't really know me. Guess I'm forever a bloke.
• (#10) Almost Took Out His Classmates

  I came very, very close to committing a school [tragedy].

  I was picked on A LOT in high school. I think it was because I tried so hard to be cool and everyone saw right through it. There were these four cowboy-jock types that gave it to me the worst. After being publicly humiliated and beaten in front of a girl I liked (as she laughed/cheered), I decided that none of it was worth it anymore. I had no support at home being an only child and having parents that worked constantly, and cutting and burning myself didn't make me feel better anymore. So I got my dad's handgun out of the [...] safe (he uses the same combo for everything, the idiot) and brought it to school with me the next day.

  I can't adequately describe to you guys how ready I was to [end] these four. I had absolutely no fear or doubt in my mind. I wanted nothing more than to show everyone what happens when you push someone over the edge like they did. I had the gun tucked in my waistline. I was wearing this baggy pair of cargo shorts that I wore a couple times a week that day. I remember walking towards the cowboy's table, so [...] ready for it to be over, when the gun fell out of my waistline, down my left short leg and made the loudest f*cking sound as it hit the cafeteria floor. I tried my best to grab [it] real quick, but people saw what it was and screamed, and one of the instructors tackled me to the ground.

  They eventually concluded that I had brought the gun to school to impress people [...] and had no intention of using it. I was expelled and sent to live at a youth ranch in Idaho until I was 18. I did have the intention of using it though. I was going to [terminate] all of them. I'm 24 now, and I still think about it all the time. I have not recovered from high school. I'm still terrified of people in general, and avoid having relationships because of what I fear I'm capable of.

  I'm not looking for pity. I know that what I did was wrong, it just feels good to tell the story. Thanks, Reddit.
• (#19) Ended A Man With A Marble

  When I was about 12 I went with some family to the Family Dollar. My mother and cousins went off to go look at generic groceries so I decided I would just spend my time hanging out in the toy aisle.

  The toy aisle always had these bags of marbles that other kids would open and leave laying there so I decided to fling marbles across the floor and one just happened to reach one of the far off aisles. So about two minutes later I hear a loud crash and someone scream "Somebody help this man!" 

  Being the curious child I was, I ran over to see what the commotion was about and I find everyone gathered around this guy who had seem to have fallen from the ladder as he was getting something off the top shelf. The guy is seizing out and blood is coming from his head as he laid there and his face seemed to be turning blue. My mother whisked me and my cousins away.

  Next time we went we talked to the front cashier and she said that they called the paramedics but by the time they got there he had [passed] from choking. Apparently when he had the seizure he was choking on his own tongue. The cause for the fall according to the front cashier was that he had put the ladder on a marble and didn't check it before he got on it. When I heard what the cashier said I just stood in disbelief thinking I was going to jail. I tried telling my mother many times but all she did was say that I imagined it. 
• (#6) Night With His Drunken Sister

  When I was 15 my parents were going through a divorce. My mom worked night shifts and my dad lived with a friend of his. One night my sister, who was 19 at the time, came home pretty drunk from a party. She was acting goofy and fell on the couch next to me. She started grabbing my leg and laughing and we started fondling. We ended up having [relations] right there. When we woke up the next day she had no recollection of the night before so I just kept my mouth shut.

  Fast forward to when I'm 18. Sister is home from college and dad is over for a visit. They get into an argument and in a fit of rage my dad announces how he has never forgiven her for the abortion she got when she was 19 and subsequently [terminating] his grand-child.

  I then realize the baby she aborted was in fact mine.....and as far as I know, I am the only one who knows since she has never mentioned that night.
• (#4) Snooped Around The House Looking For Juicy Secrets

  I once helped out a female friend's family by taking care of their cat for a week. Every day for a week, I would go over there and snoop around their house. I found my friend's diary, and proceeded to read the entire thing.

  I used this information to get her to like me, and she is currently my wife.

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