Random Lamest Superhero Origin Stories (15 items)

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  (#1) Black Condor

  First Appearance: Crack Comics #1 (May 1940)

  The Black Condor looks cool with his giant feathered wings and darker persona now, but his original origin was birdbrained. Richard Grey Jr. was raised by a condor as an infant. He learned how to fly by repeatedly leaping into the air and plummeting headfirst into the mountainside. No mutant powers, no shaman ritual, nothing.

  So remember, if you can't fly, just keep trying and physics will eventually cut you a break.
  
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  (#2) Whizzer (Robert Frank)

  First Appearance: USA Comics #1 (August 1941)

  The Whizzer is your standard speed-based superhero, but has one of the most nonsensical origins on this list. Robert Frank was bitten by a poisonous cobra, so his father did the most sensible thing: inject mongoose blood into his son to counteract the poison.

  Not only did this work (for... reasons), but it also granted Robert super-speed. Later, some writer realized this didn't make sense and said the mongoose blood "triggered latent meta-human abilities" in Robert.
  
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  (#3) Bouncing Boy

  First Appearance: Action Comics #276 (May 1961)

  Chuck Taine was a regular boy on Earth with no powers. Then he drank something he thought was soda, but was really a super-plastic formula. Instead of causing death or necessitating a call to poison control, this formula gave him the ability to inflate himself into a ball and, well, bounce.

  That's comics, folks.
  
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  (#4) Green Arrow (Oliver Queen)

  • Identity Crisis, More Fun Comics, Green Arrow: The Longbow Hunters

  First Appearance: More Fun Comics #73 (November 1941)

  A traumatic experience inspired Oliver Queen to fight injustice in his city... like Batman.
  He's a millionaire playboy philanthropist... like Batman.
  He had a car and a cave headquarters based off his persona's theme... like Batman.
  He even had a teenage boy sidekick like Batman!

  While his original origin was different from Batman's in that he had to teach himself high-level archery to survive while stranded on a deserted island, everything else felt like a Batman ripoff. Over the years, Green Arrow's personality and origin changed in order to distance himself from the Dark Knight, but even after all of that he still has to contend with being compared to the original avenging archer, Robin Hood.
  
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  (#5) Wonder Man

  First Appearance: Avengers #9 (October 1964)

  While Simon Williams has been an established mainstay of the Avengers, his origin was anything but wonderful. Williams would get his ion-based superpowers after Baron Zemo and the Enchantress bailed him out of prison and transformed him. Essentially, he was blackmailed into becoming a hero/spy on the Avengers.

  Also, check out the panel. Even he hates his own name.
  
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  (#6) Catwoman

  First Appearance: Batman #1 (Spring 1940)

  Catwoman has turned into one of the longest-lasting leading ladies in comics as both a hero and a villain, but her origin was pretty declawed. Her original origin wasn't shared until 1950's Batman #62, where it was revealed that she was a flight attendant with amnesia that turned to crime after getting hit on the head during a plane crash. So why the obsession with cats? Her father owned a pet store.

  Yeah, so you see why they retconned all of this in 1983.
  
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  (#7) Elongated Man

  • Identity Crisis, 52

  First Appearance: Flash #112 (May 12, 1960)

  Ralph Dibny was enamored with contortionists and discovered that all of his favorite ones drank "Gingold," a popular soda. After further research, Dibny created and drank a super-concentrated version of the stuff, which gave him insanely stretchy powers.

  So wait, anyone could get stretchy powers if they drank enough of this soda? Then what makes him special? Oh, wait, some writer years and years later explained that the soda "triggered latent meta-human abilities," a catch-all to explain any silly origin.
  
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  (#8) Jason Todd

  • Detective Comics, Countdown to Final Crisis, Batman

  First Appearance: Batman #357 (March 1983)

  Jason Todd was the second Robin and was so popular that the fans literally voted to kill him off. His first origin was a carbon copy of Dick Grayson's: Todd's parents were circus acrobats that were killed by a criminal. The only difference between Todd and Grayson was that Todd had red hair... which he dyed black to look like Grayson!

  His revamped origin isn't much better. Batman discovered Todd when he tried to steal the tires off the Batmobile. While the resurrected Todd has been popularized by his current stint as the Red Hood, he never really took off until decades after the Joker killed him.
  
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  (#9) Matter-Eater Lad

  First Appearance: Adventure Comics #303 (December 1962)

  In case you couldn't figure it out based on his name, Matter-Eater Lad has the ability to consume matter in all forms and density. How was he gifted with this incredible power? He was born with it, like his father and mother. In fact, all of the natives of his home planet, Bismoll (like Pepto-Bismol, get it?), can eat anything solid.

  Apparently, the Legion of Superheroes could have millions of thing-chompers on their roster if they wanted. Sorry, but if your superhero origin story is "being born," you could maybe use a retcon.
  
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  (#10) Sam Wilson (Falcon)

  First Appearance: Captain America #117 (September 1969)

  Sam Wilson has been a great hero in the Marvel Cinematic Universe and has even wielded the vibranium shield as Captain America in Marvel comics, but he came from less great beginnings.

  In his initial appearance, Wilson would meet and team up with Captain America to fight off the Red Skull on a Caribbean island. Well, that's all well and good, but did you know Wilson has no powers? In fact, he didn't even fly. So what did he use to help fight off the malicious Red Skull? His falcon, Red Wing.

  That's right, Anthony Mackie's kickass flying military man was originally just a dude from Harlem that trained a wild bird. Makes you appreciate reboots, huh?
  
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  (#11) Sentry

  First Appearance: The Sentry #1 (September 2000)

  So the Sentry's origins are varied and messy. The character was a bullied high school kid that got his powers by drinking "the Professor's secret formula" to turn him into Marvel's Superman. So it's a already a trope on its own, but it gets stickier.

  It's revealed that Sentry and his nemesis the Void are two halves of the same person, which is why the Sentry convinced himself and the world he didn't exist, so the Void wouldn't wreak havoc. Then it's revealed that he may have been just a comic book character that somehow became real. Then he was really a junkie loser who stole "the Professor's secret formula" to get a fix. Then they just killed him off because this is all too confusing.
  
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  (#12) Hulkling

  First Appearance: Young Avengers #1 (April 2005)

  Cool! A young version of the Incredible Hulk! I wonder how he's related to Bruce Bann - wait, he has nothing to do with the Hulk? No gamma radiation? He's not even human?

  Nope, Hulkling is the son of the Skrull emperor's daughter and Captain Mar-vell, making him half-Skrull/half-Kree. This gives him the ability to shapeshift, along with massive strength.

  Despite all the soap opera baggage in his origin, Hulkling isn't a bad character. It's just lame that he wasn't named after something relevant to him, but was named after something that he just sort of looks like
  
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  (#13) Luke Cage

  Origin Story:  Luke Cage: Hero for Hire #1 (June 1972)

  While within the past decade Luke Cage has been written as a fully-formed character in Marvel, he didn't really break onto the scene in an original way. When he debuted in 1972, Cage was convicted of a crime he didn't commit. While imprisoned, he agreed to be a guinea pig for an experimental serum, which gave him unbreakable skin. Cage would then get released from prison, become a "hero-for-hire," and talk a lot of insultingly broad jive.

  Before he was fleshed out decades later by writers like Brian Michael Bendis, Cage was a street-level Captain America in a Melvin Van Peebles film.
  
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  (#14) Squirrel Girl

  First Appearance: Marvel Super-Heroes #8 (January 1992)

  While she's a spunky, PG-rated Deadpool-like character, not a lot of effort has been put into the origin of the mighty Squirrel Girl. Here's what we know: she was born, she grew a tail, and her doctor said she wasn't a mutant but her genes were obviously modified. That's it.

  You'd figure the writers would put more effort and thought in a character that knocked out powerhouses like Doctor Doom and Thanos despite being a joke.
  
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  (#15) Guardian

  First Appearance: Star-Spangled Comics #7 (April 1942)

  The original Guardian, Jim Harper, was a police officer turned vigilante who had above-average athleticism and not much else. Later clones and incarnations of the character would have enhanced strength and healing, making up for the fact that the initial origin was just a guy being a guy. A guy that happens to look a lot like Captain America, with shield and all.

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