Random Lamest Superhero Origin Stories (15 items)

(#2) Whizzer (Robert Frank)

First Appearance: USA Comics #1 (August 1941)
The Whizzer is your standard speed-based superhero, but has one of the most nonsensical origins on this list. Robert Frank was bitten by a poisonous cobra, so his father did the most sensible thing: inject mongoose blood into his son to counteract the poison.
Not only did this work (for... reasons), but it also granted Robert super-speed. Later, some writer realized this didn't make sense and said the mongoose blood "triggered latent meta-human abilities" in Robert.
(#13) Luke Cage

Origin Story: Luke Cage: Hero for Hire #1 (June 1972)
While within the past decade Luke Cage has been written as a fully-formed character in Marvel, he didn't really break onto the scene in an original way. When he debuted in 1972, Cage was convicted of a crime he didn't commit. While imprisoned, he agreed to be a guinea pig for an experimental serum, which gave him unbreakable skin. Cage would then get released from prison, become a "hero-for-hire," and talk a lot of insultingly broad jive.
Before he was fleshed out decades later by writers like Brian Michael Bendis, Cage was a street-level Captain America in a Melvin Van Peebles film.
(#11) Sentry

First Appearance: The Sentry #1 (September 2000)
So the Sentry's origins are varied and messy. The character was a bullied high school kid that got his powers by drinking "the Professor's secret formula" to turn him into Marvel's Superman. So it's a already a trope on its own, but it gets stickier.
It's revealed that Sentry and his nemesis the Void are two halves of the same person, which is why the Sentry convinced himself and the world he didn't exist, so the Void wouldn't wreak havoc. Then it's revealed that he may have been just a comic book character that somehow became real. Then he was really a junkie loser who stole "the Professor's secret formula" to get a fix. Then they just killed him off because this is all too confusing.
(#12) Hulkling

First Appearance: Young Avengers #1 (April 2005)
Cool! A young version of the Incredible Hulk! I wonder how he's related to Bruce Bann - wait, he has nothing to do with the Hulk? No gamma radiation? He's not even human?
Nope, Hulkling is the son of the Skrull emperor's daughter and Captain Mar-vell, making him half-Skrull/half-Kree. This gives him the ability to shapeshift, along with massive strength.
Despite all the soap opera baggage in his origin, Hulkling isn't a bad character. It's just lame that he wasn't named after something relevant to him, but was named after something that he just sort of looks like
(#9) Matter-Eater Lad

First Appearance: Adventure Comics #303 (December 1962)
In case you couldn't figure it out based on his name, Matter-Eater Lad has the ability to consume matter in all forms and density. How was he gifted with this incredible power? He was born with it, like his father and mother. In fact, all of the natives of his home planet, Bismoll (like Pepto-Bismol, get it?), can eat anything solid.
Apparently, the Legion of Superheroes could have millions of thing-chompers on their roster if they wanted. Sorry, but if your superhero origin story is "being born," you could maybe use a retcon.
(#1) Black Condor

First Appearance: Crack Comics #1 (May 1940)
The Black Condor looks cool with his giant feathered wings and darker persona now, but his original origin was birdbrained. Richard Grey Jr. was raised by a condor as an infant. He learned how to fly by repeatedly leaping into the air and plummeting headfirst into the mountainside. No mutant powers, no shaman ritual, nothing.
So remember, if you can't fly, just keep trying and physics will eventually cut you a break.