Random Funniest Lines in Christmas Movies (16 items)

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  (#9) Scrooged

  • Bill Murray, Karen Allen, John Forsythe, John Glover, Bobcat Goldthwait, David Johansen, Carol Kane, Robert Mitchum, Nicholas Phillips, Michael J. Pollard, Alfre Woodard, Mabel King, John Murray, Jamie Farr, Buddy Hackett, Pat McCormick, Brian Doyle-Murray

  Ghost of Christmas Present: "Close your eyes, and think of snowflakes and and moonbeams and whiskers on kittens." (Seeks Frank peeking, pokes his eyes) "No peeking! ...Of rainbows, forget-me-nots, of misty meadows and sun-dappled pools. Oh, look! There's Mr Hedgehog. I wonder where he's going? Perhaps to Harlem!" (Punches Frank in the jaw)
  Frank: "My jaw!"
  Ghost of Christmas Present: "Ohhh, sometimes the truth is painful, Frank." (Slaps Frank) "But it's made your cheeks rosy and your eyes bright as stars."
  Frank: "If you touch me again, I'll rip your g*dd**ned wings off, okay?!?"
  Ghost of Christmas Present: "Oh, you know I like the rough stuff, don't you Frank?"
• 

  (#1) 'Christmas Vacation' - Happy Hanukkah

  Frank Shirley: Write a summary and have it to me by the end of the day.
  Clark Griswold: My pleasure.
  Frank Shirley: Layman's terms. None of that inside bullsh*t jargon nobody understands.
  Clark Griswold: Yes, sir... Oh, Mr. Shirley. We got your Christmas card the other day, and my family and I are very flattered that you remembered us.
  Executive: (to Mr. Shirley) Corporate cards.
  Frank Shirley: Don't forget that report, Bill.
  Clark Griswold: Yes, sir. Thank you. Merry Christmas. (to Executive) Merry Christmas. (to Executive) Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah. 
• 

  (#16) Arthur Christmas

  • James McAvoy, Hugh Laurie, Bill Nighy, Jim Broadbent, Imelda Staunton, Ashley Jensen, Marc Wootton, Laura Linney, Eva Longoria, Ramona Marquez, Michael Palin, Sanjeev Bhaskar, Robbie Coltrane, Joan Cusack, Rhys Darby, Jane Horrocks, Iain McKee, Andy Serkis, Dominic West

  Elf (at North Pole Command Center): "Waker! We have a waker! And Santa's in there!"
  Child (sits up in bed): "Santa? Are you here?"
• 

  (#13) Jingle All the Way

  • Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sinbad, Phil Hartman, Rita Wilson, Robert Conrad, Martin Mull, Jake Lloyd, Jim Belushi, Harvey Korman, Laraine Newman

  Myron Larabee: "...and then they sit there and use subliminal messages to suck your children's' minds out! And I know what I'm talking about because I went to junior college for a semester and I studied psychology so I'm right in there, I know what's going on. They make the kids feel like garbage and you, the father, who's working 24/7 delivering mail so you can make an alimony payment to a woman that slept with everybody at the post office, but me! And then when you get the toy, it breaks and you can't fix it because it's little cheap plastic."

  Howard: "Put that cookie down. NOW!"
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  (#4) National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

  • Chevy Chase, Beverly D'Angelo, Randy Quaid, Diane Ladd, John Randolph, E.G. Marshall, Doris Roberts, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Mae Questel, William Hickey, Brian Doyle-Murray, Juliette Lewis, Johnny Galecki, Nicholas Guest, Miriam Flynn, Ellen Hamilton Latzen

  Clark: "Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head. And I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, d*ckless, hopeless, heartless, fat-a**, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey s*** he is! Hallelujah! Holy s***! Where's the Tylenol?"
• 

  (#5) Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

  • Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, Catherine O'Hara, John Heard, Devin Ratray, Tim Curry, Brenda Fricker, Eddie Bracken, Gerry Bamman, Kieran Culkin, Rob Schneider, Bob Eubanks, Ally Sheedy, Ron Canada

  Mr. Hector: This is the Concierge, sir!
  Johnny: I knew it was you. I could smell you getting off the elevator. You was here last night too, wasn 't you?
  Mr. Hector: Yes, sir. I was.
  Johnny: You was here and you was smooching with my brother.
  Mr. Hector: You're mistaken, sir!
  Johnny: Don't give me that. You've smooched everybody. Snuffy, Al, Leo, Little Moe with the gimpy leg. Cheeks, Boney Bob, Cliff...
  Cedric & Maureen: (GASPS)
  Mr: Hector: No! It's a lie!
  Johnny: I could go on forever, baby.
  Mr. Hector: I'm terribly sorry, sir. I'm afraid you're mistaken! We're looking for a young man.
  Johnny: All right, I believe you... but my Tommy gun don't.
  All: (GASPS)
  Johnny: Get down on your knees and tell me you love me. On your knees.
  All: I love you!
  Johnny: (LAUGHS) You gotta do better than that!
  All: I love you!
  Johnny: Maybe I'm off my hinge, but I believe you. That's why I'm gonna let you go. I'm gonna give you till the count of three to get your lousy, lying, low-down, four-flushing carcass out my door. One! Two!
  TV: (GUNFIRE)
  Johnny: Three. Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal.

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