Random Funniest Famous Movie Speeches (17 items)

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  (#15) Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

  • Peter Sellers, George C. Scott, Keenan Wynn, Slim Pickens, Peter Bull, Tracy Reed, James Earl Jones, Jack Creley, Frank Berry, Glenn Beck, Shane Rimmer, Paul Tamarin, Gordon Tanner, Robert O'Neil, Roy Stephens, Laurence Herder, John McCarthy, Hal Galili, Sterling Hayden

  He said war was too important to be left to the generals. When he said that, 50 years ago, he might have been right. But today, war is too important to be left to politicians. They have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for strategic thought. I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.
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  (#12) City Slickers

  • Billy Crystal, Daniel Stern, Bruno Kirby, Patricia Wettig, Helen Slater, Jack Palance, Noble Willingham, Tracey Walter, Josh Mostel, David Paymer, Bill Henderson, Jeffrey Tambor, Phill Lewis, Kyle Secor, Dean Hallo, Karla Tamburrelli, Yeardley Smith, Jayne Meadows, Alan Charof

  Value this time in your life kids, because this is the time in your life when you still have your choices, and it goes by so quickly. When you're a teenager you think you can do anything, and you do. Your twenties are a blur. Your thirties, you raise your family, you make a little money and you think to yourself, "What happened to my twenties?" Your forties, you grow a little pot belly you grow another chin. The music starts to get too loud and one of your old girlfriends from high school becomes a grandmother. Your fifties you have a minor surgery. You'll call it a procedure, but it's a surgery. Your sixties you have a major surgery, the music is still loud but it doesn't matter because you can't hear it anyway. Seventies, you and the wife retire to Fort Lauderdale, you start eating dinner at two, lunch around ten, breakfast the night before. And you spend most of your time wandering around malls looking for the ultimate in soft yogurt and muttering "how come the kids don't call?" By your eighties, you've had a major stroke, and you end up babbling to some Jamaican nurse who your wife can't stand but who you call mama. Any questions? 

  Mitch's career day speech at his kids' school in 1991's City Slickers definitely deserves a spot of honor on this list. Billy Crystal is hysterical in this movie!
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  (#1) Ferris Bueller's Day Off

  • Matthew Broderick, Alan Ruck, Mia Sara, Jennifer Grey, Jeffrey Jones, Edie McClurg, Lyman Ward, Cindy Pickett, Charlie Sheen, Ben Stein, Del Close, Virginia Capers, Richard Edson, Larry "Flash" Jenkins

  The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom. A lot of people will tell you that a phony fever is a dead lock, but if you get a nervous mother, you could land in the doctor's office. That's worse than school. What you do is: you fake a stomach cramp, and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It's a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.

  I did have a test today. That wasn't bulls**t. It's on European Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European, I don't plan on being European, so who gives a crap if they're socialist? They could be fascist anarchists - that still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car. Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism, for that matter. Isms, in my opinion, are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism - he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon: "I don't believe in Beatles - I just believe in me." A good point there. Of course, he was the Walrus. I could be the Walrus - I'd still have to bum rides off of people.

  Matthew Broderick delivers a series of really clever, genuinely funny speeches straight into the camera in 1986's Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Hard to pick a favorite, but this might be it!
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  (#5) Vacation

  • Chevy Chase, Beverly D'Angelo, Christie Brinkley, Anthony Michael Hall, Imogene Coca, Randy Quaid, Dana Barron, John Candy, Eddie Bracken, Brian Doyle-Murray, Eugene Levy

  I think you’re all f**ked in the head. We’re ten hours from the f**king fun park and you want to bail out! Well, I’ll tell you something, this is no longer a vacation, it’s a quest. It’s a quest for fun. I’m gonna have fun and you’re gonna have fun. We’re all gonna have so much f**king fun we’ll need plastic surgery to remove our g*d damn smiles! You’ll be whistling "Zippity Doo Da" out of your a**holes! (laughs) I gotta be crazy! I’m on a pilgrimage to see a moose! Praise Marty Moose! Holy s***!

  Clark Griswold is barely hanging on, and in this hilarious bit from 1983's Vacation, Chevy Chase delivers without question one of the funniest rants from any comedy movie ever.
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  (#7) National Lampoon's Animal House

  • John Belushi, Kevin Bacon, Donald Sutherland, Karen Allen, Tim Matheson, John Vernon, Verna Bloom, Tom Hulce, Cesare Danova, Peter Riegert, Stephen Furst, Sarah Holcomb, Bruce McGill, Martha Smith, Mary Louise Weller, James Daughton, Mark Metcalf, James Widdoes

  Over? Did you say 'over?!' Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!

  And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough...the tough get goin'! Who's with me? Let's go! Come on! (runs out, nobody follows, runs back in) What the f**k happened to the Delta I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? 'Ooh, we're afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble.' Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this. Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer...

  Otter interrupts Bluto's motivational speech at this point, throwing his support behind his frat brother, even though he's "psychotic."

  In this classic funny speech from 1978's Animal House, Bluto (John Belushi) has just learned that Dean Wormer has kicked them all out of school. His speech rallying tries his fraternity brothers together is one for the ages.
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  (#8) Blazing Saddles

  • Cleavon Little, Gene Wilder, Madeline Kahn, Slim Pickens, David Huddleston, Liam Dunn, Alex Karras, John Hillerman, George Furth, Mel Brooks, Harvey Korman, Dom DeLuise, Richard Collier

  I don't know if you ever heard of me before, but I used to be called 'The Waco Kid.' I was just walking down the street, and I heard a voice behind me say, "Reach for it Mister!" I spun around and there I was face to face with a six-year-old kid. Well I just threw my guns down and walked away....little bastard shot me in the a**! So I limped to the nearest saloon, crawled inside whiskey bottle, and I've been there ever since.

  Gene Wilder's Jim (The Waco Kid) delivers a hilarious speech explaining his history in 1974's Mel Brooks comedy Blazing Saddles.

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