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(#18) They Were Incompatible And They Both Had Too Much Baggage
From Redditor /u/OhOlgui:
It was a string of things. In hindsight, I had no business getting married when I did, let alone to someone I was so grossly incompatible with.
His family did not like me; they usually pushed him around, and I, being the punk I was, would take up for him and fight his battles. They saw me as an arrogant, overbearing troublemaker. Looking back, they weren't entirely wrong. They never directly addressed any issues, and I would learn about them through him. Once it came out, I apologized for my actions, and learned to shut my mouth. It wasn't enough; they were still giving me grief and my ex wouldn't get involved.
He was a good person, but had a lot of baggage, as did I, and we never really addressed our issues with each other. There was just fighting, then silence, then life went back to normal. Lather, rinse, repeat for five years.
The final straw came when we were in line to get dinner (at the time, I was working at a clinic, hadn't eaten all day, and was starving). He asked me what I wanted, and I told him my order. Out loud, he asked, "Really? You're gonna eat all that?"
"I had a busy day and didn't have lun-"
He cut me off with, "I don't need your life story."
The exchange was loud enough that everyone heard, but that wasn't the point. I had put up with a lot, and to be fair, so did he, but that was the moment I knew we were done. We separated a few months later, and divorced shortly after that.
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(#7) They Were Mean To Other People
From Redditor /u/Progman3K:
Too many [red flags].
The obvious ones: rude to service people, always complaining that EVERYONE at work was a [moron], openly [admitting] to only having friends because they could be a source of profit, impatient, not passionate about anything, etc...
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(#1) Cookie Sheets Masked A Larger Problem
From a former Redditor:
[S]he didn't like the way I loaded the dishwasher. I was loading it one night and she wasn't pleased with how the cookie sheets were in there. I may have pointed out how she was being an insufferable b*tch, then suddenly I was a "lazy drunk" (even though I WAS loading the dishwasher).
That somehow turned into how marrying me was the biggest mistake of her life, and I turned that sh*t back around on her and told HER that marrying HER was the biggest mistake of my life, etc. Moved out the next day.
The story did have a happy ending: the cookie sheets turned out spotless despite her criticisms...
The marriage was on the rocks before it started, really. [We] married because of kids, but somehow we convinced ourselves that things were fine. We just kinda floated through it. It was that one instance where all of the pent-up aggression and resentment exploded.
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(#13) She Stopped Caring Enough To Fight
From Redditor /u/PuppyPavilion:
When the fight in me was gone. I no longer fought for time together, for intimacy, for any kind of connection to him. I just got too tired from the years of failure to care anymore. I still loved him, I still liked him, but as wife and husband we no longer connected.
There were two events in the last year of my marriage that were the last two nails. The first led to me crying daily in the shower because I felt so alone and didn't want to share my pain with him. I was just so tired of him not caring, so when I realized I'd reached that point, I knew it was over.
And then my dad died later that year and in the grieving process I was struck with an intense fear of wasting any more time on this marriage. I could be dead tomorrow and I will have died with a broken, lonely heart, and that thought was the catalyst for me asking for the divorce.
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(#8) She Stayed Out Late And Deleted Texts
From Redditor /u/ugatz:
My ex was going out more than usual and would stay out late. She would find excuses to have to "go to work," sometimes not returning until very late at night.
I couldn't ever see or touch her cell phone. If it rang she talked outside and texts were always deleted.
Needless to say I hacked her phone, and keylogged her computer to get her social networking and email passwords to obtain the visual and audible proof I needed to [prove she was cheating.]
Pretty obvious she was cheating but I needed to prove it so she would accept the fact I knew the truth.
This was just one example among many other things unrelated to cheating, but solidified the marriage was going to end soon.
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(#14) They Couldn't Make It Work After He Cheated
From Redditor /u/myeyeballhurts:
Well, he cheated on me and knocked up another girl. We tried to make it work for two years - went to counseling and everything. I really can't remember the exact moment, but one day after yet another stupid fight we both just looked at each other and said, "It's over."
In the end he was in love with his baby mama. We were married for 14 years.
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About This Tool
Marriage is a decision made by two people holding hands for a lifetime, but with the passage of time, people will find that marriage in real life is different from it in fairy tales. At this time, it is easy for couples to face a period of the cold war, and some long-term unresolved conflicts will often eventually lead to divorce.
Every marriage will have ups and downs, but when these ups and downs become too big or too frequent, you need to look more closely at the direction of your life and marriage. The random tool lists 27 red flags in a marriage that people should watch out for.
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