Random Divorce Lawyers Share Things They Wish Their Clients Had Known At Beginning Of Their Divorce (14 items)

• (#1) Being Civil Makes The Process Faster And Cheaper

  From Redditor /u/FormalChicken:

  Asked a friend about this once.

  He said... many people come in peacefully together. It's not the standard, and it's not everyone, but it happens "way more than you'd expect." Both spouses just want the divorce and to move on. Apparently it happens quite a bit. He said that sometimes it devolves into a bit of a [disagreement] over assets, sometimes kids, but more often than not if a couple comes in together, he has a bad day because he makes the least money off of them.

  He said one couple, collectively after their divorce, sent him a Christmas basket one year... Basically they wanted out and he helped navigate the legalities of it, and everyone was happy.

  He also had a story of a woman who had to consult with two private investigators for her husband cheating. The first one she hired was the woman he was having an affair with.
• (#2) Being Clever And Charming Is Pretty Transparent

  From Redditor /u/goodtuesday:

  I often receive warnings from clients about how "clever" or "smart" their spouse is and to be careful to not let them manipulate me.

  I don't want to be insulting so I just say something like "I am a professional, etc."

  In reality the other spouse has never been very clever at all. They just had power over my client that they built through long-term emotional and psychological [manipulation]. The client is usually pretty delighted to finally see their [ex-spouse] get ripped to shreds in court.
• (#3) Using Logic Can Expedite The Process

  From Redditor /u/Thedurtysanchez:

  Only the rarest of the rare client can understand how they are super illogical when it comes to their divorce.

  Divorce isn't rocket surgery, but almost everyone tries to make it that way.
• (#4) You Don't Have To Convince Them Of How Heartbroken You Are - They Know

  From Redditor /u/call_me_darling_xo:

  Paralegal here. When cheating is involved, the client will often bring in mountains of photographs, text message printouts, bank statements showing where cash was withdrawn, etc. They [need] me to understand how awful this is and they want me to go stakeout their soon-to-be cheating ex. Cheating is insanely common.

  My standard reply of, "Yes, I understand. Yes, I have seen hundreds of pictures and thousands of text messages. Yes, he/she is terrible for doing this to you..." is always met with, "But you don't understand, this is the worst thing that has ever happened."

  Trust me. I understand. You are coming to see me on your worst day ever. I will be sure that the attorney understands your file inside and out, but you aren't going to shock us, and I am not Facebook [creeping] your soon-to-be ex. Well, I might, just for fun, but I won't go on a stakeout with you.
• (#5) Assets Are Completely Separate From Income

  From a Redditor:

  Most people don't realize that being married really is a partnership, and that there are ways other than earning income that a spouse contributes to the marital "pot." Nearly without fail, the higher-earning spouse is adamant that the court will be shocked by how little their spouse did and that there's no chance in hell their assets are going to be divided 50/50.

  When I practiced family law, a large portion of my job was tamping down expectations and having to just be real with people.
• (#6) If One Spouse Cheats, The Other May Not Necessarily Get More Money

  From Redditor /u/jmremote:

  At least in Maryland, people assume that because their spouse was cheating, they'll be able to get more money in alimony from the judge than they would have gotten otherwise.
• (#7) Spite Can Drag A Case Out Longer Than Necessary

  From Redditor /u/JCKDRPR:

  If you can put away your bullsh*t and relish the fact that you are no longer going to be with this person you don't want to be with, let's make it easy. I've had complex divorces go super easy, and I've had simple ones drag on for years out of spite.

  Listen. To. Your. Attorney. You know what a good attorney does if he finds himself in a legal predicament? Gets an attorney. [You're] paying for his experience in the system.

  Almost guaranteed, if you go to trial, you will leave with less than you hoped for. You can 99% of the time get something better and cheaper if you agree.
• (#8) Don't Try To Get Out Of Paying Child Support

  From Redditor /u/mattbaum:

  Potential male clients come to me asking for help getting their child support lowered for all kinds of reasons that make sense to them but nobody else, especially not lawmakers, judges, or lawyers. My favorite is when they say they just had another kid with [a] new wife or girlfriend, and they expect that means their preexisting child support obligation for that kid who lives 100% with mom should be cut drastically. When I tell them it doesn't really work that way, they get bent out of shape.

  Also, they sometimes come to me and ask for a modification only to learn that our state's guidelines went up since their last court order and that a modification would probably mean they pay more money - guys look at me like I must be crazy.
• (#9) Attorneys Can Only Do So Much

  From Redditor /u/sagelface:

  Clients definitely feel that their attorneys can solve all their problems. "I'm paying you, we should have a court order by tomorrow!" Well first of all, we can't just snap our fingers and make something happen overnight, and second of all, if the restraining order says you can't go over to your wife's house, YOU CAN'T F*CKING GO OVER TO YOUR WIFE'S HOUSE, and NO we won't bail you out of jail at 3:00 am, and NO, WE CAN'T FIX THIS.
• (#10) You'll Probably Have To Give Up Your Home

  From Redditor /u/mattbaum:

  Potential divorce clients don't want to believe that if they and their spouses can't actually afford to maintain two separate households now that getting a divorce won't somehow magically make it affordable. I do my best to help them have reasonable expectations. I tell them what they should expect. I tell them that many times getting a divorce means that they'll be giving up the home they live in currently and the possibility of home ownership in the foreseeable future.
• (#11) It's Rare To Get Full Custody Of A Child

  From Redditor /u/ermahgerdsterderner:

  I'm a legal assistant for a family law attorney. The amount of clients that tell me they want full custody of their kids and actually think they have a shot at getting it is astonishing. I don't think I've ever seen a party get all of their custodial rights taken away from them. 
• (#12) You Can't Force Someone To Retake Their Maiden Name

  From Redditor /u/Grave_Girl:

  Dudes think they can force their soon-to-be ex-wife to retake her maiden name. My ex tried this because he knew how much I hate my maiden name (it's an unflattering adjective). For most other men it seems to be, "I gave it to you, so I can take it away."
• (#13) You Likely Can't Handle The Divorce On Your Own

  From Redditor /u/schenfamilylaw:

  I can't count how many cases that I've had to clean up because people have tried to do the divorce themselves. Consider that if you had pretty serious medical problem, you wouldn't try to cut yourself open and fix it yourself, but people seem to think that even though they're still amicable with their soon-to-be ex that they're able to handle a serious legal issue such as divorce on their own.
• (#14) Don't Call Your Ex-Wife A Sphincter

  From Redditor /u/RazKaz-Na:

  Husband and wife still living together at the time had a small confrontation. The husband pulls a "sphincter says what" on her, and she takes the bait and says, "What?" He giggled like a little kid. She then told her lawyer who had to talk to his lawyer. His lawyer asked him if he called his wife a sphincter and told him he's not allowed to call her that anymore.

New Random Displays    Display All By Ranking