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  • Capricorn (December 22 - January 19) on Random Creepiest Thing About You, According To Your Zodiac Sign

    (#12) Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

    • Constellation

    What wouldn't you do to get ahead, Capricorn? Your compatriots admire you for your ambition and determination, and you can't imagine a world where those qualities could be a burden to you. It's not that you're wrong (what a ridiculous notion, you're never wrong), but while your fierce focus can carry you far, the same can't be said for those who don't get out of your way fast enough.

    Why should that matter to you? After all, they're responsible for their own circumstances, and so are you; you're just doing your best, like anyone else would. Right? You wouldn't care if they went to extreme lengths to come out on top at your expense.You might, but only because they're now between you and your goals - and if you have it your way, which you eventually always do, they won't be there for very long.

  • Aries (March 21 - April 19) on Random Creepiest Thing About You, According To Your Zodiac Sign

    (#9) Aries (March 21 - April 19)

    • Constellation

    There's no getting around this, Aries: you desperately need to attend anger management. You're just as headstrong and opinionated as your fellow fire signs Leo and Sagittarius, but unlike them, your energy and enthusiasm can turn into explosive violence at the drop of a hat. You're a walking time bomb of seething rage, and the more you try to hide it, the more it escapes in unpredictable, volatile mood swings.

    Do yourself a favor and invest in a stress ball or a gym membership before you do something you'll really regret.

  • Aquarius (January 20 - February 18) on Random Creepiest Thing About You, According To Your Zodiac Sign

    (#5) Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

    • Constellation

    The human condition needs curing, and you're the perfect sign to do it. You know how to change the world for the better, and you don't need pesky things like empathy to tell you which improvements you should make. It's not your job to think about people and their feelings - you have work to do! You know that the world needs you and your innovative talents, and you don't have time to care about other people's irrational feelings or biases or lives.

    You can't afford to coddle everyone who might be hurt in the process of improving society. You have so much to do that you don't have time to explain how it's all going to be for the best. Sometimes, sacrifices have to be made - that's part of innovation. Everyone around you can be as shocked as they want by your clinical disregard for the actual people who comprise the society you're trying to save, but you don't care. They'll get over it. You have work to do. So, so much work to do.

  • Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) on Random Creepiest Thing About You, According To Your Zodiac Sign

    (#2) Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

    • Constellation

    Scorpio, something is very wrong with the internal compass that points you to the things that interest and motivate you. Your passions aren't like everyone else's - the more intensely upsetting something is, the more you are drawn to and repulsed by it in equal measure. Crime, tragedy, and taboo will grab your attention over anything else, and you'll stay fascinated long after anyone else would have lost the stomach to keep going.

    Even you aren't sure what this means about you, but you know better than to talk about it, because you're afraid someone might confirm what you already suspect: no one stares into the abyss as long as you without having a little abyss inside in the first place.

  • Cancer (June 21 - July 22) on Random Creepiest Thing About You, According To Your Zodiac Sign

    (#3) Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

    • Constellation

    Cancer, you do so much for the people you love, and though you don't like to admit it, you think you deserve more than they give back. What you probably like to admit even less is the only thing you love more than caring for your loved ones is reveling in your overdeveloped martyr complex. You don't just think you're getting the short end of the stick; you know you are, and that knowledge only strengthens your perception of yourself as the strong, suffering caregiver who soldiers on in the face of mistreatment and ill fortune.

    The truth is, Cancer,  you are extremely over-invested in knowing that people depend on you, and the satisfaction of being needed only exacerbates your self-perpetuating victim complex.

  • Pisces (February 19 - March 20) on Random Creepiest Thing About You, According To Your Zodiac Sign

    (#7) Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

    • Constellation

    Your heart guides you, Pisces, and sometimes that's not as dreamy or romantic as it might sound. It's true that your feelings often inspire you to heal and create, and as long as those feelings don't steer you wrong, you're capable of truly visionary accomplishments in the name of empathy and love.

    Feelings, though, aren't always gentle and sweet. You know that better than anyone, because your own emotions - the same overwhelming forces that inspire you to make the world a better place - can take you to very dark places, especially if you believe that the subject of your ire has shown unwarranted cruelty toward you or something you hold dear. You know that your feelings aren't necessarily rational, but that doesn't stop you from dramatically blaming other people for causing you pain.

    Of course, you might not even stop at crying; that notoriously brilliant creativity might even spur you to express your wrath artistically - nothing says “emotional stability” like a morose, vengeful poem.

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