-
(#1) Retirement Fantasy
WIFE: can’t wait until we’re old and sitting on the porch so I can tell you all my stories again because you won’t remember any of them
— Stone (@StoneAgeRadio13) August 28, 2020
ME: wait... your retirement fantasy is I have dementia? -
(#2) Switching Roles
Asked my wife to pick up something from Home Depot and she’s texted me 47 questions and sent 300 pictures of the wrong item captioned “this?” so now I understand why she doesn’t let me go grocery shopping by myself.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) August 27, 2020 -
(#3) Haven't Talked To Husband Since
Our friends from church are staying in our basement and this morning I witnessed the husband come upstairs and make a smoothie and eggs for his wife’s breakfast at 5am and then pivot to making her lunch before she left for work
— Heather Thompson Day (@HeatherTDay) September 2, 2020
I haven’t talked to my husband since -
(#4) Party Insults
I miss how my wife would say “he’s a rescue” whenever I misbehaved at parties.
— The Dad Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) August 28, 2020 -
(#5) When Were You Gonna Tell Me?
*breaks the toaster oven*
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) August 26, 2020
[texts my husband] When were you going to tell me that you broke the toaster oven? -
(#6) Towels Must Be In Thirds
After many years of marriage, the one piece of advice I can give is this:
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 28, 2020
For some reason they just really like the towels folded in thirds. -
(#7) Deodorant Changes A Lot
I put on my husband's deodorant and now I'm angry at the way I load the dishwasher.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) August 29, 2020 -
(#8) Well She's The Only One Using It
My husband says I have no idea how to use a comforter which is funny because when I wake up in the middle of the night I’m the only one using it.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 29, 2020 -
(#10) I See Someone's Relaxing
Me: [slowly, cautiously taking a seat]
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) September 2, 2020
Wife: OH I SEE SOMEONE’S RELAXING! -
(#12) "With All Due Respect"
In marriage the phrase “with all due respect” is just a nice way of saying “bitch, I got this.”
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) August 28, 2020 -
(#13) Be Nicer To Alexa
Me: Alexa! STOP THE TIMER. Damn, she does not listen.
— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) September 2, 2020
Husband: You know when the machines take over, you’ll be the first to go, right?
Me: “Ha-ha”
Husband: *walks out of room*
Me: Alexa, I’m so sorry for my tone. Hey, your joke of the day was so funny! -
(#14) Just One For Me
I got 1 marriage in me. that’s it!
— Dyamond Ahmoni (@dyahmoni) September 2, 2020 -
(#17) Jam Shouldn't Be On Top
30 years of marriage and I thought I knew him. Applications for the role of my second husband are now open. (Previous applicants need not apply). pic.twitter.com/TpbcIvVgz5
— Rachel Rossiter (@rlrossi64) August 30, 2020
New Random Displays Display All By Ranking
About This Tool
Marriage can be difficult and complicated. For some people, the duration of marriage may be much shorter than expected due to a variety of reasons. However, in the current state of society, we can still believe in the power of marriage. Many married folks still keep romantic feelings in their marriage and are keen to share their love advice and stories on Twitter.
Many people believe that marriage is a very beautiful thing and that a healthy and stable marriage is the beginning of a couple's struggle for a common goal. The random tool shares 17 of the best Tweets from married folks.
Our data comes from Ranker, If you want to participate in the ranking of items displayed on this page, please click here.