Random Classic Nude Scenes In '80s Teen Movie History (20 items)

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  (#18) Screwballs

  • Peter Keleghan, Linda Shayne, Kent Deuters, Alan Deveau, Linda Speciale, Jason Warren

  The Movie A movie that my Hispanic mother (God bless her) once rented for me instead of Space Balls. I watched it alone and felt like I got away with murder. 1960s high school kids spend a bunch of time trying to  violate the privacy of various girls and then make love to them. It's really up there in quality. 
  
  The Scene
  Back when it was still okay to put cartoon sounds when breasts were exposed, a guy rips the tops off a bunch of girls. Also, a guy pretends to be a doctor in order to give a very pretty young lady a breast exam. Another girl is getting busy in a car with her chest pressed against the glass and makes a bunch of funny faces. It's really weird in retrospect, but it seriously felt like I had gotten away with murder when I watched it. Worth it.

   
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  (#13) Sixteen Candles

  • Molly Ringwald, Anthony Michael Hall, Michael Schoeffling, Paul Dooley, Justin Henry, Gedde Watanabe, Blanche Baker, Carlin Glynn, Edward Andrews, Billie Bird, Carole Cook, Max Showalter, John Cusack, Joan Cusack, Jami Gertz, Beth Ringwald

  The Movie
  Molly Ringwald has a horrible time turning 16 because she wants too much out of life.

  The Scene
  Molly Ringwald plus another person watch one of their classmates shower and talk about how hot she is. It's awesome and really comes out of nowhere in one of the best coming-of-age movies of all time, if you're into that kind of thing.
   

   
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  (#20) Joysticks

  • Joe Don Baker, Leif Green, Jim Greenleaf

  The Movie
  A guy runs a really popular video game arcade that's about to be taken over by a huge business. No really, that's what it's about. Also, they were allowed to use Pac-Man, so that's all over the movie.

  The Scene

  Two girls not wearing clothes take turns playing Pac-Man. That is all you need to know (as that is all that happens).

   
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  (#19) The Return of the Living Dead

  • Clu Gulager, James Karen, Don Calfa, Thom Mathews, Beverly Randolph, John Philbin, Jewel Shepard, Miguel A. Núñez, Brian Peck, Linnea Quigley, Mark Venturini, Jonathan Terry, Cathleen Cordell, Drew Deighan, James Dalesandro, John Durbin, David Bond, Bob Libman, John Stuart West, Michael Crabtree, Ed Krieger, Robert Craighead, Paul Cloud, Derrick Brice, Leigh Drake, Terrence Houlihan, Allan Trautman, Robert J. Bennett, Jerome "Daniels" Coleman, Cherry Davis

  The Movie

  Return of the Living Dead is a movie about a gas being released that creates zombies. It's one of the best zombie movies of all time. It's hilarious, and it actually introduced the concept of zombies "eating brains" to the world. Any time you hear a zombie say "brains," it's actually an homage to this movie. Bet you didn't think you'd learn anything here, now did you? Well, you were wrong. 

  The Scene
  Linnea Quigley stars as a girl fittingly named "Trash" in the movie, who describes how she would like to be eaten by the dead, citing that they would start by ripping off her clothes. She then proceeds to take off her clothes and show much of the '80s their first shaved ladybits. It was a revelation. And at some point she says "I'm hot" and a guy says "yeah you are!" then a punk biker says "scram, wimp!" to the guy. It's a great film. 

  She spends the rest of the movie pretty much naked, showing off everything, for which she should be very proud. It is a very body-positive film in this regard. You should watch the movie to a drinking game, the mention of "brains," and to the use of slang nobody uses anymore. You'll get blackout drunk. You're welcome.
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  (#2) Porky's

  • Dan Monahan, Chuck Mitchell, Alex Karras, Mark Herrier, Wyatt Knight, Roger Wilson, Cyril O'Reilly, Tony Ganios, Kaki Hunter, Kim Cattrall, Nancy Parsons, Scott Colomby, Boyd Gaines, Doug McGrath, Susan Clark, Art Hindle, Wayne Maunder, Eric Christmas, Bill Hindman, John Henry Redwood

  The Movie
  Porky's is about a group of guys in the '50s who want to lose their virginities in a time in which guys not only admitted that they were virgins, but tried to fix that problem "together."

  There's a place called Porky's, though, where a lot of the hot girls hang out and where a lot of the main characters are terrorized by the mean, fat, pig-looking owner named, you guessed it, Porky. As these guys awkwardly try and come up with plans to "get laid", you get a pretty heavy smattering of classic, unnecessary, gratuitous '80s skin in between seemingly interminable expository scenes. So, of course, you rewind the tape until your parents know exactly what you're doing. There's no reason someone should be rewinding and playing a tape that often and that quickly unless they're trying to solve the mystery of the Kennedy assassination.

  The Scene
  The infamous Porky's shower scene features a bunch of guys finding a hole that leads to the girls' locker room, and kind of how you hope for every time there's a hole in a wall of any bathroom, there were actually attractive people on the other end.

  Fun times ensue and a lot of teenagers and kids even younger than that in the '80s saw their first entire human body and/or group of women showering together. Many more would follow for all of us.

  The notable part of this scene is that it was the first gratuitous scene most people had seen in a really popular comedy (which, as a film, dragged on for way too long wasn't even very funny). The whole thing was really just an excuse for showing naked girls and for a bunch of weird dads to take their sons to see a movie clearly intended for adults. This movie is at all memorable mostly because of that weirdly rapey scene and also because of another scene starring a young Kim Cattrall, who only gets hotter as she gets older.

  This movie was largely an adult comedy masked in "fun," which was an awesome discovery for anyone who saw it and had the patience to deal with its pace. It's kind of like when you pour alcohol inside a juice box or a Vitamin water and bring it into your kids' plays or Disneyland.
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  (#11) The Blue Lagoon

  • Brooke Shields, Christopher Atkins, Leo McKern, William Daniels, Elva Josephson, Glenn Kohan, Alan Hopgood, Gus Mercurio, Jeffrey Means, Bradley Pryce

  The Movie
  The Blue Lagoon is a movie starring Brooke Shields. She got naked when she was 12 in one of the most controversial scenes in film history in a movie called Pretty Baby (which later had to be cut because it was apparently pretty bordering CP and gross). So, keeping in line with the rest of her career, she made The Blue Lagoon when she was like 14... ish? 

  The actual plot of the movie is that some rich white people get shipwrecked and two of their kids (who aren't related) have to raise themselves from the age of, like, five. They start growing things in weird places, and stuff gets super awkward until they have a kid. They look at each other the whole time like they're on Molly and then the movie ends.

  The Scene
  She pretty much spends the entire movie barely wearing anything, which makes this movie super hot when you're nine and when you imagine yourself living on an island with a naked girl your entire life. It definitely made going to the beach with your family more... challenging.

   

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