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(#6) You Start Lying to Those Around You to Cover for His Behavior
A relationship where one partner consistently gaslights the other resembles other kinds of dysfunctional relationships and family dynamics, like growing up with a parent who abuses drugs or alcohol. In this sense, much like the child who covers up their addicted parent’s behaviors, often the person being gaslighted will find herself covering up her partner’s behaviors to others. She’ll even find herself lying for no reason or smoothing over the details of a story just to avoid any potential conflict.
If you find yourself consistently lying to those around you about your partner’s behavior, you should ask yourself if it’s a result of being gaslighted.
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(#4) His Covert Manipulations Make You Second-Guess Everything
Gaslighters are legendary in their ability to make you feel like your memory is failing you. And for the most part, it’s in their vested interest to make you feel this way. When you want to revisit a conflict that you had with your partner, if they’re a gaslighter, chances are they’re going to have a very different version of events in mind than the one that you bring to the table.
Usually, their version places you at the epicenter of the trouble, and you walk away from the conversation blaming yourself and doubting your ability to remember what actually happened.
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(#11) He Tells You You Can’t Survive Without Him
One of the hardest things about trying to break it off with a gaslighter is the fact that, when you do, they will throw down every possible card to make you believe you can’t survive without them. They’ll tell you you’re crazy, insane, unstable, and incapable of taking care of yourself. And, if they’ve been successful in achieving the other key dynamics of a relationship built on gaslighting, you might actually believe them.
Gaslighters are really good at getting you addicted to their attention and making you believe that you’re pretty bad at caring for yourself, so this strategy of theirs is particularly insidious.
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(#1) He Has to Have Things His Way
Does your partner have to have everything, even the weirdest, smallest situations, their way? Do they make you feel stupid, irrational, or just plain wrong for having a different opinion? Obviously, (before you say it) all couples have their disagreements, so this gaslighting symptom isn’t just that naturally occurring, inevitable difference of opinion. It’s serial control where your partner REFUSES to drop a topic until you agree with them.
If, for example, your partner forces you to listen to his ideas about the merits of spaghetti noodles vs. linguini noodles until you change your order (and it’s not just in jest, or it feels weirdly serious to you), you might be dating a gaslighter.
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(#3) He’s Manic in His Treatment of You
If he’s hot then he’s cold, or he’s yes then he’s no in the way he treats you, you might be being gaslighted. Gaslighters get their partners hooked on their presence through big, grandiose displays of romance or dazzlingly good times that, when the relationship really gets going, they cease to perform. People who seriously gaslight often also show narcissistic tendencies; that is, they’re really good at identifying and pursuing people with low self-esteem.
They then make those people dependent on their presence and attention. And then they suddenly and coldly withdraw their affection. If you’re feeling this grand addiction/withdrawal cycle because of the way you’re being treated, you might be with a narcissistic gaslighter.
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(#10) You’re Suddenly Indecisive
When you’re gaslighted with enough frequency, you can begin to feel nervous and indecisive when it’s time to make a decision. You’ll find yourself worried about your partner’s potential reactions to things as mundane as what you decide to buy at the supermarket. A gaslighting partner’s hot-and-cold temperament, combined with the feelings of inadequacy that they instill in their significant others, can make equivocation and indecision natural and prolonged states for those on the receiving end of their narcissism.
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About This Tool
Gaslighting is a common form of mental abuse that can cause someone to doubt their sanity or opinion. It usually occurs in power-imbalanced relationships and social interactions. Gaslighted people may feel confused, anxious, or defensive about the behavior of the abuser, and such people tend to become less and less confident.
If your spouse or partner often tends to belittle you or downplay your concerns or doubts about their unnormal behavior, then you are likely to have been Gaslighted. They may say something like: “you are just too sensitive!” The random tool lists 12 signs your boyfriend may be gaslighting you.
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