Random Rules For A Successful Satanist Gathering (12 items)

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  (#2) Grottos Are Not Your Personal Cult

  If you're in charge of a grotto or a small crew of Satanists, it's important to remember you're not running the Cult of Greg (or whatever your name is). You're supposed to be getting your spooky friends together to discuss fun devil stuff, not selling drugs or getting into some weird commune life where you write a new bible and start wearing jumpsuits.

  According to Michael Aquino's memoirs, The Temple of Set Volume 1, he and Anton Lavey discovered a grotto using get-togethers as a front for selling drugs, so they shut the whole thing down, daddy Satan style. 
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  (#9) If You're Inebriated, You Can't Take Part In A Ritual

  When it comes time to do whatever super cool ritual you and your groovy gang of Satanists are going to do, you've got to make sure you've got a clear head. It's one thing if you're just hanging out in the hot tub and chatting, but if you're going to call forth the Dark Lord or have a philosophical debate about the merits of Luciferian beliefs, you've got to know exactly what you're doing. 

  From the Grottomaster's Handbook:

  "Never allow grotto members to participate in rituals when they are obviously drunk or high. This has been the rule from the beginning of the Church of Satan, founded in San Francisco at the height of the acid-dropping 60's. It is simply too dangerous and can be disastrous for all present. The ritual chamber can be disorienting for a strong mind; it is too much for a drug-befuddled mind."
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  (#11) What Should You Wear?

  It's your first big grotto party with all of your groovy Satanic friends. You'll be doing your best to impress all of the spookiest people in your area, and there will be some sexy goth guys and girls there. You don't want to look like a dork. So what to wear?

  If you keep up with the laws of Satanism, you know you should wear whatever's comfortable and won't annoy everyone. Bring a black robe if you plan on taking part in a ritual.

  According to the Grottomaster's Handbook, "We don't require discipline in the arbitrary sense of wearing tightly-regulated uniforms and the right color Baphomet for a particular degree, but we do demand the kind of discipline necessary for cohesion and coordination."
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  (#6) Don't Be A Snitch With Your Non Satanist Friends

  If you do managed to get invited to a grotto party (or simply a modern day Satanic fun time party), for Satan's sake don't go around blabbering about what happens there to the squares in your friend group. Even if there's nothing super sexy or weird happening, you should keep the goings on of a secret society as secret as possible. The greatest extension of this rule is to not invite journalists to your party.

  From the Grotto Master's Handbook:

  "The first rule of dealing with the media is: Never trust a journalist. This may seem harsh and sweeping, to be suspicious of all journalists, but that's the general stance of a Satanist about most people - then we're pleasantly surprised if someone exceeds our expectations. Journalists want a story." 
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  (#1) Don't Go If You're Not Invited

  Even if you're not a burgeoning Satanist, you can apply this rule to whatever super cool party you're dying to attend: If no one invites you, you probably shouldn't go.

  IRL Satanists don't sacrifice babies on altars, but it's still a private group, and they probably don't want you just randomly showing up and eating all the dip. If you want to be invited, play it cool and hope for the best. Or befriend some Satanists. That's probably the best thing you can do. If you're ever at a bar and you see someone with a massive pentagram pendant, 666 tattoo, and Baphomet horns, buy that person a drink. 

  Or you could become a card-carrying member of The Satanic Temple. 
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  (#8) Keep A Fire Extinguisher Handy

  If you're doing an outdoor ritual, or just barbecuing with your Satanist buddies, don't accidentally start a forest fire. Can you imagine the PR nightmare that would happen if a grotto of Satanists accidentally set a park on fire?

  The Grottomaster's Handbook puts it succinctly: "When you perform outdoor rituals, make doubly certain all flames and embers from fires, torches, candles and braziers are well extinguished before you leave the area."

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