Random Stupidest Ways Patients Have Tried To Treat Themselves (27 items)

• (#14) Tried To Soothe The Pain With Honey And Vodka

  From anomalyk:

  "One of my patients had put Nair on his anus and left it on overnight. As one would think, when he woke up he had burns that looked like a pressure ulcer. Instead of coming to the ED right away he decide he would soothe the pain with honey. When that didn't work he tried to remove the honey using vodka.

  Teaching his roommate how to do those dressing changes was the most awkward experience I have ever had professionally."
• (#18) He Tried To Perform His Own Abdominal Surgery

  From CardiacSnuffBox:

  "I saw this patient last year. He had a long history of abdominal pain that was quite non-specific, and his previous work ups were negative. He was convinced that he had intestinal parasites that caused the pain (which as an aside, he believed that he got them after an 'encounter' with a woman he met on the Internet).

  So despite having seen several physicians and gastroenterologists, and numerous investigations including gastroscopy and colonoscopy, no diagnostic source for the pain was found. But he was undeterred from believing it was intestinal parasites.

  So he develops a plan in which he orders surgical instruments and local anesthetic online. Watches YouTube to figure out how to perform a laparotomy (to get into his abdomen). And so after his preparations, he performs a self-surgery using a video camera to watch himself, and manages to get into his abdominal cavity. He had trouble completing his self-surgery and called an ambulance."
• (#3) Combs And A Toothbrush Stuck Where The Sun Doesn't Shine

  From cowperspie:

  "Med student. A guy came in to the emergency department with two combs and a toothbrush in his butt. He had stuck the toothbrush up there for pleasure, but lost it. He tried to fish it out with a comb, but lost that, and tried again with a second comb, and lost that as well.

  The kicker: he was there because he had gotten in a car crash. He wasn't there to get the stuff out of his butt. He volunteered the information after we asked if there was anything else we needed to know."
• (#17) Had Nail Polish - And Remover - In Her Eyes

  From idot08bojangles:

  "Paramedic here. I got called to a house about 11:30 one night for a 'girl with finger nail polish in her eyes.' Got there and the scene is crazy, people screaming and throwing things around. We immediately notice the mother holding down a younger girl and about to pour something in her eyes.

  Nail. Polish. Remover."
• (#9) Bleach Is For Cleaning, Not Your Cervix

  From auraseer:

  "I had a patient come to the ER complaining of severe pain and swelling 'all down there.' On physical examination we noted a really remarkable amount of swelling, and both the internal and external tissues were extremely red and irritated. She was so swollen she couldn't even pee until we put a catheter in. The physician did a pelvic exam and found blisters on her cervix.

  We asked when the symptoms started. She said, 'Well it was itching tonight. I thought I had a yeast infection, so I poured a cup of bleach up in there to kill it. But then after a while it kind of started to hurt.' Yeah, I bet it did."
• (#24) He Used Keyboard Cleaning Air As An Inhaler

  From madeinjapan89:

  "Nurse here. We had a younger patient who had run out of their inhaler and didn't want to tell their mom (after meeting her I could see why, she was just angry at the world) so he took keyboard cleaner Can-o-Air and tipped it upside down and inhaled.

  Turning it upside down releases the chemicals in an icy cold spray and it immediately caused this kid to go into a severe asthma attack and caused cold burns to the back of his throat. "

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