Random Rules For A Successful Satanist Gathering (12 items)

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  (#6) Don't Be A Snitch With Your Non Satanist Friends

  If you do managed to get invited to a grotto party (or simply a modern day Satanic fun time party), for Satan's sake don't go around blabbering about what happens there to the squares in your friend group. Even if there's nothing super sexy or weird happening, you should keep the goings on of a secret society as secret as possible. The greatest extension of this rule is to not invite journalists to your party.

  From the Grotto Master's Handbook:

  "The first rule of dealing with the media is: Never trust a journalist. This may seem harsh and sweeping, to be suspicious of all journalists, but that's the general stance of a Satanist about most people - then we're pleasantly surprised if someone exceeds our expectations. Journalists want a story." 
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  (#4) You Have To Know LaVey's Teachings In And Out If You Want To Lead The Meeting

  If you're going to host a Satanist get-together or run a grotto, you need to have a deep understanding of Anton LaVey's work and the nine tenets of Satanism. To open your own grotto is to say you comprehend Satanism fully, and can represent it to the outside world. If you just bought a Slayer shirt and got into Rosemary's Baby, you shouldn't be hosting a get-together for a true group of Satanists, but that doesn't mean you can't get together with your friends and talk about how to represent the unholy one in your every day life. 

  If you're more a Satanic Temple than Church of Satan type, you don't need to know much about LaVey, but you should be well-versed in the philosophical precepts of the Temple's manifesto before spearheading a gathering. Get yourself a membership card, familiarize yourself with The Satanic Temple’s Guidelines for Effective Protest, know the Tenets of the Temple, and purchase some high quality snacks and Behemoth records (so your party will be off the chain). 
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  (#8) Keep A Fire Extinguisher Handy

  If you're doing an outdoor ritual, or just barbecuing with your Satanist buddies, don't accidentally start a forest fire. Can you imagine the PR nightmare that would happen if a grotto of Satanists accidentally set a park on fire?

  The Grottomaster's Handbook puts it succinctly: "When you perform outdoor rituals, make doubly certain all flames and embers from fires, torches, candles and braziers are well extinguished before you leave the area."
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  (#1) Don't Go If You're Not Invited

  Even if you're not a burgeoning Satanist, you can apply this rule to whatever super cool party you're dying to attend: If no one invites you, you probably shouldn't go.

  IRL Satanists don't sacrifice babies on altars, but it's still a private group, and they probably don't want you just randomly showing up and eating all the dip. If you want to be invited, play it cool and hope for the best. Or befriend some Satanists. That's probably the best thing you can do. If you're ever at a bar and you see someone with a massive pentagram pendant, 666 tattoo, and Baphomet horns, buy that person a drink. 

  Or you could become a card-carrying member of The Satanic Temple. 
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  (#12) Have A Good Time

  The most important rule when it comes to hanging out at your grotto, or with your groovy Satanist pals hang in a straight-up evil setting, is you should have fun. Why did you start following the Dark Lord if you didn't want to have a good time? As long as you treat everyone at the party how you'd like to be treated and make sure you high five everyone, you'll be good to go. If an orgy kicks off, good for you, join in 

  Now get out there and get weird! 
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  (#9) If You're Inebriated, You Can't Take Part In A Ritual

  When it comes time to do whatever super cool ritual you and your groovy gang of Satanists are going to do, you've got to make sure you've got a clear head. It's one thing if you're just hanging out in the hot tub and chatting, but if you're going to call forth the Dark Lord or have a philosophical debate about the merits of Luciferian beliefs, you've got to know exactly what you're doing. 

  From the Grottomaster's Handbook:

  "Never allow grotto members to participate in rituals when they are obviously drunk or high. This has been the rule from the beginning of the Church of Satan, founded in San Francisco at the height of the acid-dropping 60's. It is simply too dangerous and can be disastrous for all present. The ritual chamber can be disorienting for a strong mind; it is too much for a drug-befuddled mind."

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