Random Funny Quotes

Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny. - Norm MacDonald

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. - Johnny Carson

I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid they told me I was being funny. - Jim Carrey

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives. - Billy Connolly

You know how old I am? I'm so old, I remember when Letterman used to be funny and it was presidents who were serious. That's how old I am. - Rush Limbaugh

Everything seems fine until you're about 40. Then something is definitely beginning to go wrong. And you look in the mirror with your old habit of thinking, 'While I accept that everyone grows old and dies, it's a funny thing, but I'm an exception to that rule.' - Martin Amis