Random Sadistic Rulers From Ancient History (16 items)

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  (#14) Mithridates VI of Pontus

  • Dec. at 69 (131 BC-62 BC)

  • Royal Title: Mithridates VI, King of Pontus (120-63 BCE)
  • Crazy Cred: This king was famed for his paranoia over getting poisoned and inventing the Mithridatum, a cure-all for any poisons.

  One of the Roman Republic's fiercest enemies in the first century BCE, opposing its expansion in the east, King Mithridates had a lot to worry about on the home front. He was terrified of dying by poison, which wasn't that unreasonable, considering his dad had kicked the bucket after eating tainted food at his mother's hand. To learn about the properties of his ingredients, Mithridates experimented with poisons on his prisoners and wrote down the results; he ingested an almond-sized dose of theriac (a poison antidote) each morning to start his day and a little bit of poison daily to up his tolerance.

  Eventually, the Romans defeated the people of Pontus, and Mithridates wanted to kill himself before his enemies dragged him to their city in chains. He tried to off himself with poison, but his remedies had proven too effective; Mithridates eventually had to ask one of his guards to run him through with a sword.
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  (#9) Cleomenes I

  • Royal Title: King of Sparta (519-491 BCE)
  • Crazy Cred: One of the most successful kings of Sparta, Cleomenes I consolidated his city-state's power in ancient Greece. He even extended his power all the way to Athens, ousting that city's tyrant, Hippias, in 510 BCE. Unfortunately for Cleomenes, though, the new government in Athens was too democratic for Spartan tastes, so he led an army against his rival city again and again. It didn't entirely work: When he tried to install his own tyrant (whose wife he allegedly slept with), Sparta's allies weren't for it.

  One of his Spartan rivals for the monarchy, a fellow named Demaratus, annoyed Cleomenes, so he rigged a prophecy from the Delphic oracle against Demaratus. Everyone found out, though, and he was deposed from his throne. While in exile, he went insane, either out of guilt, religious sacrilege, or because he drank unwatered wine, according to Herodotus. When the Spartans brought him home, Cleomenes wasn't in a good state of mind. Eventually, Cleomenes committed suicide by slicing himself to pieces with a dagger.
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  (#6) Domitian

  • Dec. at 45 (51-96)

  • Royal Title: Emperor of Rome (81-96 CE)
  • Crazy Cred: Best known for his cruelty and imposing buildings, Emperor Domitian pretty much sucked the life (both literal and monetarily) out of Rome. With his military campaigns, construction projects (like a new forum, personal country villa, and city home), and brutal taxes, Domitian didn't stint on his personal ambitions. He was also a capricious ruler and "would often attack people with the sudden violence of a thunderbolt and again would often injure them as the result of careful deliberation," recounted Cassius Dio. Whenever somebody helped him out or lent him money, Domitian was sure to put them on his to-kill list. Once, to scare potential enemies, Domitian invited lots of rich guests to a banquet in a room he painted all black, served them funeral food, and gave them gravestone-like placemats. 

  One enemy was an actor named Paris, whom Domitian murdered in the street after accusing him of having an affair with his wife. And when citizens left flowers at Paris's death site in honor, he ordered the deaths of those nice people too! Domitian also shacked up with his own niece and condemned the famously chaste Vestal Virgins to death for having had sex with men. Needless to say, few mourned when he was murdered.
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  (#8) Emperor Qianfei of Liu Song

  • Dec. at 16 (449-465)

  • Royal Title: Emperor of Liu Song (464-465 CE)
  • Crazy Cred: This teenage Chinese emperor only ruled for one year in the fifth century, but what a legacy he left! He grew so paranoid about conspiracies against his reign that he started killing officials left and right, although he did reportedly have time to give his half-sister thirty male concubines. Somewhere in there, Liu Ziye (his personal name) allegedly had an affair with his great-aunt.

  He's perhaps most famous for plotting against his own uncles, too, but his ultimate successor and courtiers plotted right back. On the night he was assassinated, Liu Ziye went to a pavilion in one of his parks and shot at ghosts a shaman told him were hanging around. Distracted, he let his courtiers get close and stab him to death.
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  (#10) Cambyses II

  • Royal Title: King of Persia (529-522 BCE)
  • Crazy Cred: Best known for conquering Egypt, Cambyses went insane while there. The Apis bull was a holy creature associated with the sun. When a new incarnation was born, the Egyptians celebrated, perturbing Cambyses. He ordered the bull to be brought into his presence, Herodotus recounted, to see whether a god had really been born.

  When the bull entered, Cambyses stabbed him and mocked the Egyptians for worshipping a flesh-and-blood god. He ordered the deaths of anyone celebrating the Apis bull's festival. Sadly, the animal died of its wound, causing Cambyses, in the Egyptian point of view, to be "smitten with madness for this crime." Insane Cambyses killed his brother, then his sister-wife. He opened up the tombs of Egyptian royals to peer inside, a sacrilege, and mocked the gods of the land.

  What did Cambyses suffer from? Herodotus said, "They say that from his birth he was afflicted with a dreadful disease, the disorder which some call 'the sacred sickness.'" Scholars have speculated this signified epilepsy.
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  (#2) Commodus

  • Dec. at 31 (161-192)

  • Royal Title: Emperor of Rome (180-192 CE)
  • Crazy Cred: Best known as the insane young emperor from Gladiator, Commodus was truly nuts and loved killing people. He once faked a plot against his own life so he could have an excuse to kill a bunch of his enemies, according to the Historia Augusta. Commodus loved pretending to be a gladiator and killing wild beasts in the amphitheater, even desiring to be a charioteer. Once, Commodus said he was going to war in Africa so he'd get a lot of funds; then, he used them on games.

  In terms of religion and dealing with others, Commodus didn't stick to the traditional rites. He shaved his head like an Egyptian priest, ordered priests of the Roman goddess Bellona to chop off one of their arms, and carried around a club to smack people with. But he was also impious when it came to basic manners: He stuck a bird on a balding guy's head, and the critter pecked the man's scalp bloody, thinking the few remaining hairs were worms. Commodus cut a fat guy open so his intestines would spill out, made a guy with a giant penis a prominent priest, and made one of his premier officials dance naked in public.

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