Random Most Historically Important Perverts (10 items)

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  (#4) Henry VIII of England

  • Dec. at 56 (1491-1547)

  Who was he?

  King of England from 1509 to 1547. Famously, he was married six times. He separated the Church of England from the Roman Catholic Church, dissolved the monasteries, and oversaw the legal union of England and Wales. 

  Why is he famous?

  Without a very distinctive name (Henry), he is quite possibly most famous for his dissatisfaction with marriage (he was married six times). 

  So, why is he a pervert?

  Never satisfied with any of his wives, Henry VIII had them offed if they could not produce a male heir.

  He went through six wives (and countless other women) and was never reprimanded for being such a scoundrel. 

  When Henry passed in 1547, he weighed almost 400 pounds and was suffereing from a variety of diseases.
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  (#5) Caligula

  • Dec. at 29 (12-41)

  Who was he?

  Caligula was a notorious Roman emperor, reigning between 37 and 41 AD.

  Why is he famous?

  He succeeded Tiberius as emperor of the Roman Empire.

  So, why is he a pervert?

  Because he was friggin’ Caligula.

  Apparently bored all the time as the presiding emperor, he took the lives of his subjects on a mere whim. He once ordered a crowd of prisoners to be tossed into the lion’s pit because he was bored.

  And when not satisfying his thirst for blood, he slept around, made fun of people below his stature, and indulged in countless scandalous acts.

  He is said to have been particularly interested in incestuous relationships with three of his sisters, but also engaged in many homosexual relationships. His insatiable appetite was only matched by his brutality. Caligula really enjoyed threatening violence upon his fellow members of government. 

  Caligula, surprisingly, didn't make many friends. He was assassinated as the result of a conspiracy between the Senate, the Praetorian Guard, and the equestrian order. 
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  (#10) Benjamin Franklin

  • Dec. at 84 (1706-1790)

  Who is he?

  It’s Benjamin Franklin, one of America's Founding Fathers, who was also an inventor and a diplomat.

  Why is he famous?

  Franklin had numerous accomplishments, including strengthening US ties with foreign nations as ambassador, furthering the knowledge of electricity, and spearheading the US Post Office as its postmaster general. He also put his signature is on the Declaration of Independence as well as the Constitution of the United States.

  So, why is he a pervert?

  He liked old women as mistresses. He was really into it. He also got around quite a bit and was pretty darn liberal for his time.

  In this letter, Franklin describes in detail to his friend why he should pick old ladies over younger ones if he chooses to engage in adultery.

  The entire time, he still vows that marriage is a much more positive and beneficial union, but he offers no reasoning and instead offers proof on why old women are sexy, like this:

  Because thro' more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion...

  So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one.

  He also had an illegitimate son, William, who became the royal governor of New Jersey before being exiled to Britain, due to his Loyalist tendencies.
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  (#1) Marquis de Sade

  • Dec. at 74 (1740-1814)

  Who was he?

  Marquis de Sade was a French aristocrat, revolutionary, and writer. He's most famous for bringing explicit material to people in a time when showing off your ankles was scandalous.

  Why is he famous?

  Marquis de Sade became famous for his libertine sexuality and lifestyle (i.e., a person without moral restraint), but mostly for his suggestive novels. He also left the world with the practice of S&M. That's right, the man invented S&M. How? Well, first of all, it's named after him.

  The term "sadism" is based on Marquis de Sade: the idea of developing pleasure as a result of inflicting pain. "Masochism" is first seen in some of Sade's more Gothic-inclined sexual novels, where, for example, the female character is bound and tormented, but also fondled, and develops a kind of attraction to her tormentors. 

  So, why is he a pervert?

  Sade's tales include that time when he and his wife kept five young women and one young man captive in their house. For six weeks, Sade used his victims for sex. He would even lure young women from the surrounding village by drugging them with a "Spanish fly" aphrodisiac.

  He spent the last 13 years of his life in an insane asylum, before he perished in 1814.
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  (#8) Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

  • Dec. at 35 (1756-1791)

  Who was he?

  Just some Austrian classical composer who wrote A Little Night Music, Symphony No. 40, and the Requiem.

  Why is he famous?

  Yeah, good question. Besides being one of the most revered classical composers of all time and one of the most important musical human beings in history, he really didn't do very much.

  So, why is he a pervert?

  Just take a look at the rest of his sterling repertoire and you’ll find one particular unsung gem, "Leck mir den Arsch fein recht schön sauber" (translation: "lick me in the ass nice and clean"). That's right, he wrote a song pre-dating Ludacris that gets this dirty. 

  Really, that says it all. This is actually not a joke. Check out the lyrics below:

  Lick my ass nicely,

  lick it nice and clean,

  nice and clean, lick my ass.

  That's a greasy desire,

  nicely buttered,

  like the licking of roast meat, my daily activity.

  Three will lick more than two,

  come on, just try it,

  and lick, lick, lick.

  Everybody lick their ass themselves

  It's a shocking song from one of the greatest musical minds in human history.

   
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  (#3) James Joyce

  • Dec. at 59 (1882-1941)

   

  Who was he?

  James Joyce was an author responsible for seminal works like A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, Dubliners, Ulysses, and Finnegans Wake. He's one of the greatest Irish writers of all time. 

  Why is he famous?

  He is one of the most remembered figures of the Modernist movement and helped usher in a new way of writing language. His writings experimented with structure in ways that have never done before and changed the way people read words. 

  He is responsible for some of literature's greatest moments and has taken people to new places and emotions they've never felt before. He proves that words live on forever.

  So, why is a pervert?

  Well, for one thing, he liked to hear his partner's flatulence during itercourse. He even wrote really passionate letters about it. Check it out right here.

  A few favorite fart quotes:

  [I]f I gave you a bigger stronger f**k than usual, fat dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside. You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I f**ked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole.

  We are not kidding. These are real quotes from one of literature's greatest voices:

  It is wonderful to f**k a farting woman when every f**k drives one out of her. I think I would know Nora's fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise not like the wet windy fart which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in fun in a school dormitory at night. I hope Nora will let off no end of her farts in my face so that I may know their smell also.

   

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