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Random Lamest Movie and TV Draculas Ever

  • Blade on Random Lamest Movie and TV Draculas Ever

    (#4) Blade

    • Film

    Oh just look at that plunging neckline. This is Dracula if Dracula was a bro. And this is no more apparent than when this Dracula re-christens himself 'Drake,' predating the actual Drake (rapper and Degassi-alumni Aubrey Graham) and his earliest mixtape.

    This Dracula is like a beefy gym bro who has ripped the neckline of his tank top to cavernously deep levels so as to expose his pecs. What's lacking here is sex appeal, charisma, and any hint of intelligence - all things that should be front and center in any good Dracula depiction. All that's left is meaty muscles and bulging neck veins.

  • Dracula Untold on Random Lamest Movie and TV Draculas Ever

    (#9) Dracula Untold

    • Film

    Yet another spin on the Dracula origin story, Luke Evans's Dracula is a mopey vamp with a martyr complex, sucking all the fun out of the Dracula mythos while donning suspiciously Asian-inspired looking Armour, pulling an Iron Fist with the cults-approps (cultural appropriation if you don't like abbreviation).

    The more recent depictions of Dracula seem intent on rewriting history and making him into a tortured, tragic hero, battling his inner demons. That’s not what Dracula's all about. People want the bloodlust. The creepy sexual overtures. People want the cape and the accent and the charisma. If viewers want to see dark, antiheroes they can pop on a Warner Brothers/DC superhero movie. Make Dracula fun again!

  • Van Helsing on Random Lamest Movie and TV Draculas Ever

    (#6) Van Helsing

    • Film

    Maybe it's because Richard Roxburgh is forever burnt into viewers' minds as the Duke from Moulin Rouge, but it's difficult to really see his sex appeal. The Duke was this sexually repugnant, sniveling, attempted rapist. This Dracula seems like the natural extension of that character. And that wouldn't be so much of a problem if this film wasn't playing up how smokeshow sexy this Dracula is supposed to be.

    Though another argument could be made for Roxburgh's performance being a master class in camp. He's a camp vamp. A campire. He flings himself around the screen, pitching fits and coming across as more foppish than menacing. Also that ponytail… just… why?

    And those vampire teeth! What's going on there? The intention was probably to create some new, scary vampire incarnation that would become as classic as the wrinkled forehead, yellow-eyed vampires of Buffy, but instead, the audience is left with a Beetlejuice­-esque, claymation-cartoon-looking jaw that might leave the audience hoping that if they say 'Dracula' three times, they can send this Dracula back to hell.

  • Dracula 2000 on Random Lamest Movie and TV Draculas Ever

    (#5) Dracula 2000

    • Film

    This depiction of Dracula - Drac-piction? Depicula? - does try to do something different with the character. They switch out Dracula's long-understood-to-be-canon original identity of Vlad the Impaler for the equally recognizable Judas Iscariot. Yeah, that's right - Judas. Bible Judas. That could have been a cool concept, and it does lend itself to an explanation of why all vampires are not down with religious iconography. Unfortunately, the rest of the movie oscillates between being boring and straight-up crazy.

    Gerard Butler doesn't so much play Dracula as just have great pectoral muscles that are constantly on show. He's less of a Dracula and more of a sex object. Really, you could take any mention of the name Dracula out of this movie, and he'd be an interchangeable sexy-vampire-stock character. However, this movie does take 'sexy vampire' to hilariously ludicrous levels. No less because this Dracula can screw his sexual partners into the sky. He and whomever he's penetrating can float across the screen like they're James Bond and Dr. Holly Goodhead in Moonraker, though, in the latter's case, they drift across the screen via a lack of gravity. In Gerard Butler's case, it's presumably some kind of sexy vampire magic.

  • Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Random Lamest Movie and TV Draculas Ever

    (#2) Buffy the Vampire Slayer

    • TV Program

    Everyone's familiar with the Anne Rice-associated vampires, right? The long-haired, pale, fancy-looking fellows audiences all know (and maybe love?) from Interview with a Vampire. Well Buffy's Dracula takes a leaf right out of that play book and runs away with it. Maybe, knowing Buffy's tongue-in-cheek tone, this is actually a parody of that vampire archetype

    That doesn’t stop this Dracula from being any less lame. His lips are perpetually pursed. His wig is so long it borders on Amanda Bynes's "hair cape" territory. Is he wearing eye shadow? Perhaps. This Dracula is imminently ridiculous and subsequently lame.

  • Blood for Dracula on Random Lamest Movie and TV Draculas Ever

    (#7) Blood for Dracula

    • Film

    Talk about your lame Draculas… Kier's performance of a drained, blood-starved Dracula is just depressing. There's no charisma, cunning, or sex appeal to revel in. Instead, the audience is being bummed out for the duration of the movie.

    In this Andy Warhol-produced vampire flick, Kier's Dracula is in dire need of blood. He's practically on his death bed. Or, well, what do you call a deathbed for someone who’s already dead? Regardless, this Dracula needs some virgin blood, and, in a particularly creepy detail, it absolutely has to be virgin blood; otherwise, he'll perish. What that leaves a viewer with is an increasingly desperate and debased Dracula that sucks the joy out of the vampire genre rather than the blood he so desires.

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About This Tool

Do you always feel exciting Who would not like to watch these vampire movies? There’s a long history of sexy bloodsuckers turning up in the cinema. This kind of vampire movie and TV series particularly aroused the audience's curiosity about the mysterious creature. Who is your favorite vampire character? 

The random tool has 10 items, including the lamest movie and TV Draculas ever, such as Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dracula 2000, Blood for Dracula, and more. Maybe you will find some movies and TV programs you once thought were great.

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