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  • They Stick a Giant Straw Where Your Heart Used to Be on Random Horrifying Things That Would Happen to You in an Aztec Flaying Ceremony

    (#2) They Stick a Giant Straw Where Your Heart Used to Be

    Now that you’re dead, the real horror begins: your heart is cut out and raised up as an offering to the sun by a terrifying dude called the Night Drinker (the Day Drinker, presumably, passed out hours ago).

    Meanwhile, the rest of your body is treated, bizarrely, like a Capri Sun pouch: a hollow cane is stuck into the gash where your heart used to be, so the sun can “drink” your blood. This “fortifies” the sun, you see, so rest in peace knowing your death wasn’t in vain.

  • They Make Robes Out of Your Skin on Random Horrifying Things That Would Happen to You in an Aztec Flaying Ceremony

    (#4) They Make Robes Out of Your Skin

    There’s no gentle way to say this: for the next 20 days, Aztec priests are going to wear your skin like a robe. After carefully skinning you, they dye your dermis yellow to make swanky teocuitlaquemitl, or “golden robes.” The priests then take turns wearing you and your fellow P.O.W.s around town, starting “mock battles” and accepting gifts. Young warriors try to rip chunks of your flesh off to prove their bravery.

    Over the next few weeks, your skin will shrivel and symbolically “fuse” with the priest’s, but it will also begin “stinking like dead dogs.”

  • They Toss Your Lifeless Body Down the Stairs on Random Horrifying Things That Would Happen to You in an Aztec Flaying Ceremony

    (#3) They Toss Your Lifeless Body Down the Stairs

    Now that you’ve been relieved of your heart and the sun’s nice and hydrated, your body gets tossed “gently” down the temple stairs, “breaking to pieces” and bouncing “head over heels,” according to the Spaniards observing the scene, trying not to retch. Your limp and heartless meatsack lands in a lump at the base of the temple, leaving an “enormous outpouring of blood” in its wake.

    The worst, unfathomably, is yet to come. They’re just getting started.

  • They Dance with Your Severed Head on Random Horrifying Things That Would Happen to You in an Aztec Flaying Ceremony

    (#5) They Dance with Your Severed Head

    While your skin is taking a tour around town, what happened to the rest of you? Your head, unfortunately, is now a plaything for the priests and nobles, who clutch it in their right hand while they dance, surely, like no one’s watching. Like the Hustle or the Electric Slide, there’s even a name for the dance: motzontecomaitotia.

    Surely that’s the last bit of indignity your noggin has to go through, right? Right?

  • They Make You Defend Yourself with Feathers on Random Horrifying Things That Would Happen to You in an Aztec Flaying Ceremony

    (#1) They Make You Defend Yourself with Feathers

    The horror begins with a humiliating charade: you’re naked and tied by your foot to a giant ornate stone, wielding a pathetic wooden sword covered, hopelessly, with feathers. Record scratch, freeze frame: Yup, that’s you. You’re probably wondering how you ended up in this situation.

    (You got into this situation because you’re a prisoner of war of the Aztecs, who are looking, as always, to appease Xipe Totec, the Flayed One, the God of Spring, Patron God of Seeds, Son of Ometeotl, Brother of Quetzalcoatal, Source of All Disease. This means, unfortunately, you’re going to die an absurd and humiliating death, surpassed in its horror only by what the Aztecs are going to do to your body after it’s as useless to you as that adorable feather sword.)

    Your executioners are the Tlauauanque, which means “cutters or gashers of skins.” The Tlauauanque are fully-outfitted Aztec Eagle and Jaguar warriors wielding swords that look like yours, but are instead made with razor-sharp obsidian. They use them to kill you. 

  • They Bury Your Rotten Skin at the Foot of a Temple on Random Horrifying Things That Would Happen to You in an Aztec Flaying Ceremony

    (#10) They Bury Your Rotten Skin at the Foot of a Temple

    After the priests have worn your skin as a robe for 20 days, they go “dancing, jumping, [and] stinking” through the streets one last time before celebrating your demise with a banquet. They finally remove your rotten skinsuit, bathe, and feast merrily.

    The month-long Tlacaxipeualiztli celebration ends in revelry, with singing, boozing, and the giant, yellow scab that used to be your skin finally getting laid to rest, in a basket buried in a cave at the foot of the temple of Xipe Totec, the Flayed One, the God of Spring, Patron God of Seeds, Son of Ometeotl, Brother of Quetzalcoatal, Source of All Disease. Hope he’s happy!

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About This Tool

Aztec Civilization is one of the three ancient civilizations in the Americas, mainly distributed in central and southern Mexico. It was formed in the early 14th century and was destroyed by the Spanish in 1521. The biggest feature of the Aztec civilization is the mysterious, bloody, and terrifying flaying ceremonies. Aztecs used living people as sacrifices, the sacrifices were laid flat on a stone table, and the priests decapitated, peeled their skins, or took their hearts from a living body.

The Aztec flaying ceremonies were bloody and violent, and this ignorant sacrifice did not bring them luck, and the gods they admired did not save them from being spared. The random tool introduced 10 horrifying things about the Aztec flaying ceremonies.

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