Random Best 'Simpsons' Gags (19 items)

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  (#4) The Big Sandwich

  Episode: Selma's Choice

  After noting that Homer seems horribly ill, Marge asks Homer if he's been eating a certain sandwich. Flashback to the company picnic, where a large submarine lies on a table. Carl talks to Homer.

  Carl: We hardly made a dent in that 10-foot hoagie.
  Homer: I'll give it a good home.
  [Homer eats the sandwich in front of the TV]
  Marge: You've been eating that sandwich for over a week. I think the mayonnaise is starting to turn.
  Homer: Two more feet, and I can fit it in the fridge.
  [Marge walks up to Homer with a vaguely blue-green sandwich-looking shape]
  Marge: Homer, I found this behind the radiator. I really think you should throw it away.
  Homer: Suggestion noted.
  [Marge leaves, Homer takes a big bite]
  [later, after he's been forced to throw it in the trash outside...]
  Homer: Marge, I'd like to be alone with the sandwich for a moment.
  Marge: Are you going to eat it?
  Homer: [pause] Yes.
• 

  (#14) Rock Bottom

  Episode: Homer Badman

  Homer watches a heavily edited interview he did with Rock Bottom after he's accused of harassment by the babysitter.

  Homer: Somebody had to take the babysitter home, then I noticed she was sitting on / her / sweet can... / so I grabbed / her / sweet can... / Ohhhh, just thinking about / her / can... / I just wish I had / her / sweet, sweet / s/s/sweet can...
  Godfrey: So, Mr. Simpson, you admit you grabbed her can. What do you have to say in your defense? [a still video shot of Homer looking lustful] Mr. Simpson, your silence will only incriminate you further! [the frozen image of Homer begins to slowly zoom in] No, Mr. Simpson, don't take your anger out on me! Get back! Get back! M-Mr. Simpson! NOOOO! [freeze frames on the screaming Godfrey]
  Announcer: Dramatization may not have happened.
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  (#5) Steamed Hams

  Episode: 22 Short Films About Springfield

  The bit that became a meme.
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  (#9) Belt Onions

  Episode: Last Exit to Springfield

  The reason I have loved Grandpa Simpson throughout the history of the show can be traced back to exactly this speech.

  Grandpa: [to Mr. Burns as he's being interviewed to be a strike-breaker]: We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere - like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Give me five bees for a quarter, you'd say. Now where were we? Oh yeah: the important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...
• 

  (#15) The Wig

  Episode: Two Bad Neighbors

  In an ongoing prank-off with their new neighbor - George H.W. Bush - Homer and Bart manage to glue a clown wig to his head.

  Barbara: George, it's time to get dressed.
  George: N'uh huh. Not going outside today, not with those neighbors. Staying right here till my speech to the Elks Club.
  Homer: [knocking at door] Yoo hoo!
  George: Who is it?
  [looks through spy hole without glasses on, sees two figures]
  Homer: It's your sons, George Bush Jr. and Jeb Bush. Come outside, Dad.
  George: Bar, the boys are out in the front yard. They'll help me think of a plan to get those Simpsons.
  Barbara: Oh, George, is that all you ever think about? The boys probably just want a letter of recommendation.
  George: [opening door] Boys? [Homer pulls them out of the way] Where are you going?
  Homer: Okay, Son. Give him the glue!
  [Bart squeezes some glue onto Bush's hair]
  [Homer slaps a rainbow clown wig on Bush's head]
  [they run off, laughing]
  [later, at the Elks Club]
  George: And that's why I will continue to oppose teen alcoholism in all its forms! [everyone claps] Now, are there any questions? [everyone puts their hands up] Keeping in mind that I already explained about my hair. [everyone puts their hands down]
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  (#2) Is It About My Cube?

  Episode: Homer the Smithers

  Homer Simpson: Okay Mr. Burns Here are your messages: "You have 30 minutes to move your car." "You have 10 minutes to move your car." "Your car has been impounded." "Your car has been crushed into a cube." "You have 30 minutes to move your cube." [phone rings, Homer answers] Hello?
  Mr. Burns: Is it about my cube?

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